Getting a sponsor
Where do I meet a sponsor?
If you go to alcohol rehabilitation or to a drug rehabilitation centre you will usually be introduced to a 12 Step Programme. Part of your recovery programme will be to attend 12 Step Fellowship meetings and get a sponsor. You can go to 12 Step Fellowship meetings whether or not you have been to an alcohol rehab clinic or drug rehab. They are open to anyone who wants to stop drinking or using. They are free to attend and many people get well through the meetings and by following the programme with a sponsor. And without the need to pay for private drug rehab or for an alcohol rehab clinic. Whether you are attending the meetings following a stint in alcohol or drug rehab or as a first port of call, you will be strongly advised to get a sponsor.
What is a sponsor?
Essentially a sponsor is a mentor who is there to guide you through the twelve step programme and support you in your recovery. Your sponsor is not your friend – although with time they may become one. They may need to challenge you and be quite firm with you. Sometimes the best sponsor for you may be the person you are somewhat in awe of. Because you recognise they would see right through you and not tolerate any nonsense! Your sponsor should offer ‘tough love’. However like a good parent they will also support you through bad times and offer sound advice.
How do you go about getting a sponsor?
You will find sponsors available to you at 12 Step fellowship meetings – AA, NA, CA etc. So the first thing you need to do is attend these meetings! Then start listening to people who ‘share’ or in other words talk at the meetings. See if there is someone who you feel could help you. They need to have several years good quality recovery behind them – there is no rule but I would say a minimum of 3 years – and they need to be willing and to have the time available to help you (but they will be the judge of that!).
At some meetings people who are willing to sponsor people will make themselves known at the meetings. Often it is not as straightforward as that and involves you proactively seeking someone out. Do not be put off if the first person / people you approach turn you down. It may not be personal, they may not have the time available or they may not feel suitable for your needs. Keep approaching people until you get a yes. If you are unsure, ask if they can be a temporary sponsor. That will give you the opportunity to see if you suit one another and to find someone else without causing any problems at a later date.
Don’t stop reaching out!
During these times of the pandemic it is more challenging to obtain the right sponsor as you cannot physically meet people (meetings are mostly held online). Don’t let that stop you reaching out – at least for a temporary sponsor as without one, your recovery has considerably less chance of being sustained.
Here are some other typical excuses for not getting a sponsor:
I can do it on my own.
I don’t want anyone to challenge me
I can’t be bothered to go through the steps again
Getting a sponsor is important for your long term recovery. It is important to get one quickly so get a temporary one if necessary. Eventually make sure you get the right one for you. Your recovery will then have a much better chance of being a good lasting one.
