Drink, Gambling and Drugs – The If Trap

Working in the field of addiction, I get to know many alcoholics and addicts and at least at the start of their recovery, many of them can tell you the response about why they became addicted to drink or drugs. If they do not tell me, their protective relatives do. Many of them say things like: well he drinks like this because of his marriage breaking up. If it hadn’t he would not have got to this stage.

If this happened to me…..

She would not have used drugs if it were not for the fact that she lost her job… I drink too much because when I was young my mum died. If she hadn’t…. I recently met a lovely woman whose whole family care very deeply for her but who have been having to step very carefully the whole of their lives because they knew that she always blamed a drinking episode on something that they had done or said. So she would not have had a drink that day if they had visited.

She would not have had a drink if she was not worried about them, if they had not spoken to her like that, if they came home more often, if she was not so lonely, if she was not so depressed, if she went out more, her friends showed they cared – any excuse going, really. How sad for her and her family that she has lived in isolation and loneliness and has pushed them away, when all they wanted was to love her and make her happy.

People on Similar Life Journeys Didn’t Turn to Drink or Drugs

The big problem with this way of thinking is that it puts our own situation out of our control. We drank or used not because we had free choice but because of outside circumstances. Of course, this is nonsense. We must all know people in really dire situations or who have lived through real tragedy who have not become alcoholics or addicts.

We have to get clean and sober accepting that we are responsible for where we are now – and we have to get clean and sober for us. This means that we have to stop thinking ‘if’. It is dangerous for us to hang our sobriety on any outside influences. So we should certainly never think again things like ‘I will not drink if he stays faithful to me’, I will never drink again if I can get a new job’ ‘I will stay sober if so and so is pleasant to me…’ etc etc .

Don’t let Outside Influences affect your Recovery

Why are we putting such little worth on our recovery that we are letting outside influences determine whether we keep it or not? That is almost as mad as just throwing in the towel.

We need to hold onto our recovery at all costs. No ‘if’ is worth having a drink or drug for. Having a relapse will make absolutely nothing better but a thousand things worse. And before we know it we will be back in the full progression of the addiction illness, back in our sadness and pain.

So no more ifs. Keep firm on the path of recovery , live life on life’s terms and be happy!

If you have an alcohol, gambling or drug related problem.

Please call 01462 851414 for free and confidential advice and help.