More on recovery

No one is perfect which, put another way, means that we all have defects of character. For alcoholics, it is particularly important that we identify these defects and set about working on them in our recovery. As they could lead us down a slippery slope to relapse – which could lead to us killing ourselves. My particular defects are pride, self-will, arrogance and wanting to control others. It was only through working the twelve step programme that I actually put the work in to collate this list.

My Pride

My pride  was certainly at least partly responsible for my heavy drinking and ultimately my alcoholism. I could not cope with failing on anything – especially if anyone should know. I remember just after my husband left me, going on a ‘mum’s weekend away’. This was an annual occurrence so had been planned long before my marriage fell apart. I went with all these mums who seemed to be happily married. I put on a brave face, pretended I accepted the situation and all was well, and masked the pain. The way I coped was by drinking more and more.

This was the beginning of my real slippery slope when all rules were abandoned and I began to drink at any time of the day when I needed something to dull my feelings. My pride would not let me reach out for help (even when I was advised to see a counsellor, I maintained all was well and was told I had no need of their services!!). I now recognise the importance of humility which is the opposite of pride.

Self Will

My self-will is still as strong as ever but now I spot it when it is likely to spring into action. With being in recovery i’am now able to nip it in the bud. Just because I want something does not mean I should go all out to get it, especially if it means walking all over other people. I need to think why I want something and do I need it rather than simply want it? What good will it do other people and me? My self-will is often in tandem with my pride, arrogance and wanting to control others.

The problems that arrogance can cause need no explanation. I often believe I know best and am too quick to judge others and think that whatever they say must be wrong. Again this is not something I can change overnight. At least now I spot it when it surfaces and I try to be a lot more open minded when listening to what others have to contribute.

Recovery – Accepting Powerlessness

Fourthly (not finally as I certainly have other defects) I have to constantly remember that I can only change myself and be in control of myself. Whatever I do I am powerless over other people, places and things.  To be able to choose how I react to things and how I behave and feel. If I catch myself saying ‘if I were you…’, this means I am indirectly telling someone what to do, so I don’t say it.

I have learned so much from working my programme and being in recovery. I am sure I am a much better person for it (and I hope that is not a sign of my arrogance!)

If you have an alcohol or drug related problem, please call 01462 851414 for free and confidential advice and help.