How resentment can lead to relapse
If you have been to a private drug and alcohol rehab clinic and completed the programme, one of the things you will have learned is the danger of holding a resentment. And how resentment can lead to relapse. You will have been taught how to free yourself from resentments you have been holding on to from the past. And how to deal with new ones as they arise. This is because resentment is a significant contributor towards alcoholism and addiction. And a key cause of relapse.
Importance of resentment
It is easy enough to imagine why this is so even if you are not an alcoholic or addict yourself. Imagine you feel resentful and angry with someone for some wrong they have done you in the past. Say someone cheated on you, or stole from you, or lied about you, leading you to lose your job or something important to you. If you can conjure up a resentment you might have or have had in the past you can feel that horrible bitter twisted feeling and the negative energy it brings.
If you are an addict it may be that the easiest way to deal with this feeling is to blot it out. This can be done very easily by drinking or taking drugs. It provides temporary relief from negative and unpleasant emotions. Sometimes it can lead us into more trouble as it can also release inhibitions and give us the ‘dutch courage’ to do something about the person we are resentful towards that we would not do if clean and sober. Such as damage them or their property, say something we later regret.
Letting go of the grudges
Another reason why resentment can be extremely dangerous for a recovering alcoholic and drug addict is that, if the person we are resentful towards knows how important our recovery is to us, and often also to them, then relapsing can be a way of exacting revenge. For example, as a recovering alcoholic, if my husband cheated on me, I might want to show him how much he had hurt me. By demonstrating that he had hurt me so much that after 10 years of being sober, his actions had led me to have a drink. ‘I will show you!’.
So resentment is extremely dangerous for alcoholics and addicts. In alcohol and drug rehab we are taught that holding onto a resentment is like us drinking a bottle of poison. But we are expecting the person we are resentful towards to die! Whereas, in reality, quite often the person to whom we are resentful is happily oblivious about it. And is going about their daily life unaffected.
Making the change
In alcohol / drug rehab treatment you will be taught to list all the resentments you have. To whom you have them. And to look at them in some detail. You will look at the circumstances of these and how your resentment came about. You will look at what it is about you – your personality and actions – that led to you having this resentment. Then you can then take some responsibility for it. Own it – and then have the power to let it go. This will usually involve taking some form of action – often referred to as making amends. You will be taught and coached by counsellors with a lot of experience in this field .So that when you are back home and in recovery, you can spot resentments coming. Or as you pick one up and deal with it immediately – so minimising the potential for a relapse.
So resentment can very easily lead to relapse – but only if you give it that power and allow it to.
