Alcoholism and Addiction – a personal tale

In the present day pressure cooker existence of modern life. What greater threat is there for the well-being and future of ourselves and our children than drink and drugs? There may be hidden away somewhere in some silo underground weapons of mass destruction that would kill more quickly. I believe when tomorrow’s world looks back to assess our present day, there will be no greater killer or destroyer of the human race than alcoholism, drug addiction and gambling. Well drugs really because for me alcohol is just a liquid drug.

Who am I

I myself am a man of 60 years old who in the mid 1960s stumbled into a career in a business that the world of that time considered made London the centre of the universe, music! Being in my late teens at the time, this was a myth I not only believed, but embraced wholeheartedly. So it was with this feeling of invincibility that unfortunately I first set out on my downward spiral of self-destruction, drinking and drugging my way around the world.

In the early days

At first the drink and drugs were my best friends and, armed with a glass of this and a pocket full of that, I could be found any night battling to be the centre of attention of this bar or that club or pub. Through time and a misty pair of rose tinted glasses, everything seemed fine for a while. But today I have to admit with a fair lump of sadness in my throat, it did not last.

The progression

It wasn’t long before my drunken or drugged behaviour started to get out of control. And the worm turned. All too often I would awake in the mornings with that cold feeling of dread and remorse. Fragments of the previous night’s events started to cut through my haze. The shame, guilt, the fear and the dark moods that would overcome me would then only be shifted by my re-starting of the same cycle, all to try and make me believe that my behaviour really had not been that bad, had it?

How addiction and alcoholism affected me

Deep down I knew. I had a problem. The compulsive drinking and drugs which by now went hand in hand, had the ability to change me and the way I acted completely. Before people’s very eyes, I would turn into this monster stranger, some angry but somehow dangerous fool.

The people who suffered most were my loved ones, my family and those who loved me unconditionally, the very people who deserved it least of all. This depressing sequence of events went on for years, and eventually I started to believe that this was my fate. I was destined to be caught forever in this descending trap of pain and self-inflicted misery.

But unbelievably it was exactly at this time that something changed. At my lowest ebb, when all options seemed to have been closed to me, it happened through marriage that a new member of the family was introduced to me. I now know that he immediately recognised that I was in trouble. At the first chance he had, he pulled me aside and managed to whisper in my ear: “Billy, if you are having trouble with drink or drugs, maybe I can help”.

Recovery for addiction and alcoholism

That night I was introduced to the concept of Addiction Rehab and the Twelve Step Programme. It took several long and lengthy conversations until I was finally convinced that the help I so badly needed to heal the gaping wound in my soul that all the drink and drugs in the world could not fill, might be at hand. The professional guidance and expertise my sick mind and body needed was available. It was in fact here. All I needed to do to have a healthy, normal, fulfilled and most importantly happy life, was follow some simple suggestions the experts made. I had merely to turn up, be open minded and willing to try them. Simple, so simple. And finally I could be the person I had as a child dreamed I could be. This was the bridge to normal living I had always been searching for.

Today I am that person. The conversation with my family member took place in the early 1990s! If you are struggling and identify with one thing I have said, don’t hesitate.


The Haynes Clinic is an alcohol rehab and alcohol addiction treatment centre which not only successfully teaches people how to stop drinking but also offers drug rehabilitation treatment. Call for a free assessment or advice on 01462 851414

alcoholic but happy joyous and free