‘Who you see here, what you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here’ – confidentiality statement. So we hear said at many twelve step support group meetings up and down the country. It is an important aspect of recovery meetings. At these meetings, people share their innermost secrets and sometimes unburden their souls. They share the intimate secrets of their life stories.
One of the reasons they feel able to do this is because they trust the people within the room not to gossip about their affairs once they have left the meeting. This trust and confidentiality is vital to people’s recovery. Imagine how you would feel if someone took your innermost secrets that you had felt a need to share with people you trusted, only to find that some individuals were getting some sort of pleasure over repeating it and picking over the gory details. It could be enough to send you off on a relapse.
Anonymity
Similarly you should not tell other people who you have seen at recovery meetings. It may be very tempting to tell your partner that you have seen someone he or she knows but think how you would feel if you saw a friend’s relative at an AA meeting, and you had not told your friend you were attending (because it was early days) and your friend heard from someone else. This could be hurtful for both you and your friend. Sometimes you might see someone famous at a recovery meeting – lots of famous people are recovering alcoholics and addicts and go to meetings.
Think how much more difficult for them it was to come to their first meeting, knowing that they would be recognised than it was even for you. They must fear that someone would not be able to resist blowing their cover – but if you follow your programme and do as you know you should, you should not be mentioning to people outside the meeting who has been in it, however tempting.
Confidentiality
Finally, how do you react if you meet someone outside the meeting that you know from it? If in any doubt, just smile and say hello without engaging in any conversation. If the other person is with people who do not know about their attendance at recovery meetings, you do not want to make the situation awkward for them. Never go up to them and start talking about the meetings you go to together, and certainly never introduce them as someone you know from Alcoholics anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous etc.
Do Not Be Judgemental
It is a bonus when you meet people you know from the meetings in everyday life and to see them getting on with their everyday life. What do you do if you can see they are in trouble but are not telling you, and even more specifically if you see them buying or drinking alcoholic? Do not make them feel bad – if purchasing alcohol, it may not be for them. If drinking it, the same cannot be said – but you cannot stop them and nor should you. The best thing is to just say it would be lovely to see them again soon (at the meeting if you are both alone together). Do not be judgemental.
All this can be summed up as ‘respect and keep people’s confidences and be supportive, not judgemental’.