Step 9 of the Twelve Step Programme is about making amends to the people whom we have wronged in the past in order for us to clear up our wreckage, moving towards a strong recovery with a clean sheet as it is possible to have.
Step 9 Approach
This can be a difficult and time consuming step and we have to make sure we are not entirely selfish in how we do it. The programme itself says that we should not make amends to those to whom it would cause harm – so, for example, it would probably be inappropriate to say sorry to the partner of someone you have had an affair with, especially if they were unaware of this. It is too late to make amends to some people, for example, those who have died – so perhaps we can do something else such as tend their grave and put flowers on it regularly, for example. Some people may be difficult to track down. If they can be located, they should be – difficulty in contacting them should not be an excuse to avoid making the required effort.
Defects of character
Earlier in our programme we will have identified our so called character defects. Although we wish we did not have these and in our programme we ask our ‘Higher Power’ to remove them, in reality we cannot change overnight. Mine, for example, are pride, vanity, conceit, arrogance, opinionated, self will, intolerance, critical and seeking perfectionism. (Not a very edifying list – but there used to be resentful and unforgiving in there and I believe I have worked hard to remove those two).
So, in practical terms what we have to do is recognise when the more negative aspects of our character are to the fore and deal with them. If we only see them in action after it is too late, we can apologise and ‘make amends’ for the way we have acted immediately. As time goes on and we get used to working our programme, we can spot our character defects coming to the fore before we actually act on them, and so we become a better person by moving towards a strong recovery.
So here we are with a fresh start and an awareness of how to behave better. This sounds like a great beginning for our new life. How do we keep it up?
Meetings and Sharing
We need to be careful not to let the days drift by without doing what we know we should be doing. Procrastination is our enemy! So we need to go to that Alcoholics Anonymous / Narcotics Anonymous meeting we know we should go to, both to share and help our own recovery and to give service and help others. We need to set ourselves small achievable goals for each day so that at the end of the day we can feel a sense of success, that we have achieved what we set out to do. And the early days of our recovery will add up one by one, each one making us stronger and in a better position to maintain a long and healthy sober and clean life. One day at a time!
The Haynes Clinic is an alcohol and drug rehab clinic which offers detox and counselling for people with addictions.
Call 01462 851414 for free and confidential advice.
