We made a list of all the people we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all
Step 8 is where we have to take action to clear the debris from the past – removing our guilt, shame and resentments – so that we can start to develop healthy, strong and good relationships and live a fulfilling and contented life. It should be relatively straightforward to make the list of people with whom we need to take action if we have completed our step 4 thoroughly. They will be all the people we have listed on our step 4 as having caused us some form of difficulty in the past. They will be the people who we feel did us wrong, who we have blamed for the bad things in our lives – the people with whom we are angry, some of the people of whom we are envious.
Also on the list will be the people we know we have done wrong by. People we have spoken to in a way we know was wrong, those who we mistreated in some way in the past. Work colleagues and bosses we know we have let down should also be on there, even if we are reluctant to place them on our list for some reason.
The list is not limited to people
Some people also have institutions on their list – the bank that did not lend them money in their hour of need, the police who arrested them, put them in handcuffs, the supermarket who refused to allow them to enter the store. Similarly, institutions may be on the list if we did them wrong. The shop we stole from, the community centre we vandalised. At this point, there should be no discrimination. All people and institutions should be on the list even if we know we are going to find it extremely hard to take the action required.
Taking the action to benefit our wellbeing
There are two important things to remember at this point. The first is that we have said we would go to any lengths to get well. That is how desperate we felt when we first embarked on this programme of recovery. Now is the time we need to put in the action to prove that. The second is this: we are not going to be taking this action for the benefit of the people and institutions on the list (though some may benefit). It is for our recovery and our mental health and wellbeing that we are going to make this list. And at this point that is all we are doing – making a list. Not taking any further action beyond that.
We will not get over our drinking or using until we have dealt with our past. We need to be sure that our side of the street is kept clean. This is about cleaning it up.
Become Willing
Note that step 8 is not about being willing to make amends immediately. More work may need to be done before we are ready – it is about becoming willing. So in short, at this stage, just put everyone and every place on the list without fear. Then we can look at each one and consider how it will help us to get them off our list – and remove them from occupying our head and giving us emotional pain and guilt. They are currently living there rent free. Let’s get them out so we can be free of the anger, resentment, guilt and shame!
Read our description of the full twelve step addiction treatment system