How the 12 Steps should be worked
The 12 Steps of AA need to be worked through in order as each step follows on seamlessly to the next. There is not a race to complete work and understanding about each Step but it is important that we move through the steps in order with our Sponsor or, if we are in addiction treatment, with one of the therapists. A sponsor is someone who is in Recovery from their addiction, for a minimum of at least a year, and who regularly attends AA or other support groups. This person will guide and support a new member to understand, complete and work through the 12 Step Programme.
Steps 4 and 5
Step 4 is basically sitting down and writing out an honest and full life history, leaving nothing out. Step 4 should cover all our resentments, fears and sexual conduct history and our responsibilities for these. The importance of Step 5 is that we are then choosing to read out and share what we have written in Step 4 with another person – one who is in Recovery and not a family friend or loved one. Steps 4 and 5 go hand in hand.
A play about the Fifth Step
There is a play that will be showing in London’s West End at @sohoplace theatre between May 10 and July 26 2025 which is called “The Fifth Step.” It is about a new comer to AA finding a sponsor and the results of them working through Step 5. This, in turn, also raises truths from the sponsor’s past. The sponsor is played by the extremely acclaimed and well known actor, Martin Freeman. The 11 weeks playing in London follow on from a sold out season of the play in Edinburgh.
The importance of honesty and trust
Getting well from our addiction is based on honesty from the very beginning of our recovery journey. It starts from when we make the decision that we need help and when we stop being in denial about the severity of our addiction. Honesty continues to be important and by Step 5 we have a chance to share everything that has happened in our life, leaving no stone unturned. That then makes us vulnerable, as we confess all our wrongdoings that have happened due to our addictive thinking and behaviour. It is therefore important that we trust the person that we have chosen to share them with. This trust is key as we will not fully share our wrongs and indiscretions with someone that we do not trust – we will hold things back and not have the courage or humility to share everything. Then the Step work will be meaningless and ineffective in helping us to get and stay well.
Selecting a person to listen to step 5
Finding the appropriate person that we feel comfortable to share our life’s transgressions with can be daunting and this can be one of the reasons that we choose to delay progressing with the Step. Openly and honestly sharing how we have harmed ourself and others through our addictive actions and behaviours can not only be embarrassing and emotional but also heavily guilt ridden and shameful. For some people, there may also be times when they are reminded by someone close to them exactly how they behaved and, due to their being so drunk, they had forgotten the incident. Situations such as this should also be included in the Step as our feelings around this behaviour will also need to be processed. By the time that you start to process Step 4 and take that personal life inventory, you should have more mental clarity to recall what you have done, and to be able to honestly write it all down.
When you have decided on the person that you feel you can trust to share your Step 5 with, then a date and time should be arranged. The important point is to choose someone who understands the role of listening to someone’s Step 5. This will usually mean that the person has had their own Step 5 listened to. The step requires only one person to speak and the other to listen empathetically.
The relief from doing step 5
Most people will feel a weight lifting from them on completing the Step as what happened in the past is now past. Having shared it there begins a transformation. We have been carrying around the weight of all of our addictive indiscretions and by honestly bringing them out into the open the hold that they have had on us can be diminished.