Worried about a loved one?
You may be thinking about staging an ‘intervention’ if you know and love someone who, as far as you are concerned, is drinking alcoholically but who denies this and does not seem to either want to or be able to stop on their own. This is usually held in order to get them to do something about their drinking, most commonly to get them to go into rehab.
How an intervention works…
So how does it work? And why does an intervention have more chance of working than all your begging of them in the past to change their behaviour or go to rehab? The answer is in the preparation, the full force of not just one but several family members giving the same message together,and meaning what you threaten in terms of consequences of going to rehab versus not.
This is what usually happens at an intervention: as many family members as possible and, if appropriate, loving friends, gather together. They invite the alcoholic into the room at which point the intended ‘victim’ is very surprised to see so many gathered without their previous knowledge and knows something is afoot. The family / friends each speak in turn (they might read out a letter prepared in advance) to explain why they are there, why they are concerned, what they fear could happen if things do not change, what will happen if things do not change and what the rewards of change can be. As an example let us assume our alcoholic is called James:
Example of an intervention statement.
James, you are probably surprised to see us all here. We are all here today for you because we love you but we are no longer prepared to see you drinking yourself to death and behaving in the way you do (examples – not being there for the children, being miserable, angry, risking your job, being unreliable etc etc). We will not put up with this any longer. So we have organised for you to go to rehab. You are going today. If you take this opportunity we hope you will stop drinking and return to your family to be the person you used to be, being a good husband, dad, brother etc. We look forward to having you back once rehab is done. We are prepared to support you through it any way we can. However if you do not take advantage of this opportunity to get well that we have arranged for you then you will no longer be welcome to live in this house and will have to leave today.
It is important to have the right balance between the carrot – do this and come home to a loving family – and the stick – do not do it and you will have to leave. Everyone has to make up their own version of the carrot and stick but the important thing is to mean it. There is no point threatening to ask ‘James’ to leave if you are not going to carry it through. Examples of behaviour you will not put up with should be hard hitting and be real so that ‘James’ is aware of just how bad his behaviour is and how it is affecting the people he loves.
Expect some resistance
Then you can expect ‘James’ to start to fight back – he does not need to go, it is not that bad (it is – give examples). He cannot go because he has to go to work (he can be signed off sick and anyway will lose his job if he does not deal with his drinking – at least this way he has a chance of retaining it), he has an important engagement (nothing is so important as changing and saving his life and family life). Who will e.g. look after the dog (already sorted) , what will you tell people while he is away (have an answer ready). It is important to think in advance of all the possible objections and have a solution for each and every one.
Equally important you need to have a rehab on standby where you know you can admit him when he finally runs out of reasons not to go and decides to go. If possible, you will have a bag packed ready so once the ok is given you can set off before he changes his mind.
Assistance is available!
Some rehabs will offer a professional member of staff to advise and be there at the intervention to answer questions about the rehab experience and reassure ‘James’ that the people he will meet are going to be staff members like him or her and that it is not too daunting a prospect. The Haynes Clinic will certainly offer this.
So – prepare your message and get as many family members as possible to deliver it, book a rehab, prepare your answers to likely objections, have a bag packed ready – and good luck. Help is available with your intervention if you need it – call 01462 851414.
Read more about the treatments available for alcohol addiction
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