When I was heavy drinking, I was in a prison of my own making. My whole life revolved around drinking even in the early days when it was more controlled. Even then, thoughts of drinking dominated my day and its planned structure.
Driving to work in the morning, I would look forward to my lunchtime drinks. I would stop drinking at lunchtime, usually with difficulty. Work the afternoon but look forward to the end of the working day and more drinks. In the early 1980s, in my job, we had drinks on the premises and if a meeting went on into the late afternoon, the drinks would come out. On a Friday lunchtime, in the days when the pubs shut mid-afternoon. We would go back to the office and bring the bottles out. Then it would be the weekend – more drinks…
I became pregnant and had to give up the alcohol. Knew I could not live with the guilt if I harmed my unborn babies due to drinking and this was a more motivating factor than my desire for a drink. I did not like being pregnant, though, purely because it curtailed my activities. (I regret that now as I should have enjoyed that special time more, especially as I was never ill and bloomed).
Trying to Limit
I allowed myself 4 glasses of wine a week and looked forward to each one, sipping it very slowly to make it last. I endured 4 pregnancies like this (I also had 3 miscarriages). Once my babies were born, even though I breast fed. I considered my duty done and, having time off work for maternity leave. I enjoyed a good couple of bottles of wine every day.
My life went on with heavy drinking under some sort of control for several years but it was dominated by the next drink all the time. If I took my children shopping, I would limit the number of shops we could visit so I could get back for a glass of wine. I hated having to drive anywhere as it would mean I couldn’t drink.
Heavy Drinking was so Important in My Daily Life
Alcohol was so important in my daily life. I would have told you that other things were more important (my children, my husband, my family, friends, job etc.) but the fact was that these things fitted around my desire for a drink, they did not come before it.
Now I am totally abstinent. There is a lot that went on between the days I have described and getting to the point of abstinence but I finally got the right help I needed in a rehab clinic. Today, I have freedom. My daily routine does not revolve around alcohol. I can go anywhere at any time without worrying about drinking and driving or getting to a place where I can have my next top up. Never wake up with alcohol induced regrets from the day before, or a dry mouth, headache, feeling sick, shaky etc. I am fulfilled and happy!
Controlled by Drink
If you recognise your life as being controlled by drink, it does not have to stay that way. Help is available to change your life if you want it. Learn about the alcohol rehab treatments which could help you break free.
The Haynes Clinic is an alcohol and drug rehab clinic which offers detox and counselling for people with addictions.
Call 01462 851414 for free and confidential advice.
