When in active addiction, most of us would not admit that our behaviour – if not our minds – were insane. If you were to challenge us as to what we were doing and liken it to asking to have a fatal accident or a terminal illness, most of us would say that you are the one who is insane for suggesting such a thing, not us. We were in full denial about the extent of our illness and where it was leading us. We believed we were invincible in some ways – and every day that we took risks and got away with it, we would think that meant we could continue. Need to be restored to sanity.
Some of knew we were over the drink driving limit and yet drove a car. Which could be a lethal weapon. At the very least if we did not have an accident but got caught – would severely affect our lives. Even if we did not deliberately drink or use and drive. We probably knew deep down we might be over the limit just due to the amount of alcohol permanently in our body. We knew this just by the way we reacted to seeing a police car. The sense of relief we had when it was no longer behind us but had turned down a road away from us.
Children At Risk
Others of us put our children at risk by not being fully in control to care for them. We might have risked our jobs or our marriages, might have risked friendships, our financial security etc etc. The list goes on – but still we did it insanely.
Risk Taking Caused Us Pain
With the progression of our illness, for the majority of us, our risk taking began to cause us pain. Especially when it began to have consequences. It did not stop us carrying on with our drinking or using because by then we had no control over it. But we had occasional days of guilt, shame and pain – and these became more and more frequent. Eventually some of us did get to a metal state of insanity in that we were in a black hole. Existing not living, not sleeping, not eating and isolating ourselves from the world. The drink or drugs – which used to help us to socialise, relax and be happy. Had turned on us and made us lack confidence, tense and miserable.
There is an old saying that suggests we will never be given more pain to bear than we can cope with. Inevitably that is true for those of us who lived through our active addiction and are now in recovery. Sadly it is not true for every alcoholic or addict as many take their own lives before the drink and drugs physically destroy them.
Restored to Sanity
If you are an alcoholic, gambler or drug addict or someone you love is. You will recognise the insanity and the pain of this illness. The good news is that this is an illness which while it has no cure, can be put into permanent remission. Get professional help and once again you and your loved ones can be well and happy.
Controlled drinking or using is not an option. Total abstinence and an understanding of why you drink or use as you do, so that you need no longer do so, is the only answer.
The Haynes Clinic is an alcohol, gambling and drug rehab clinic which offers detox and counselling for people with addictions. It follows the Twelve Step Programme of recovery.
Call 01462 851414 for free and confidential advice.