Alcohol often becomes the quickest way to take the edge off feelings we don’t quite know how to handle. Whether it’s a glass poured at home after a difficult day or drinks shared in the pub to push through an uncomfortable conversation, many people turn to alcohol abuse to create a bit of distance from thoughts that feel overwhelming. The relief is temporary, but in the moment, it can feel easier than sitting with emotions that don’t seem to have anywhere else to go.
We may not be aware of it, but blame is one of the emotions that drives this cycle the most. Sometimes we blame ourselves; other times, we blame people or situations that caused us pain. Alcohol can continually numb these thoughts, but it doesn’t resolve blame – it buries it. And when the effects wear off, the emotions come back louder. Without realising, alcoholism can creep in, keeping people stuck in patterns they never meant to create.
How blame creates the perfect conditions for alcohol dependence
It’s very easy to use blame as an excuse not to change. Blame comes in two forms, self-blame and denial, which change how people speak to themselves, the choices they make, and how they cope when stress builds:
Self-blame and alcoholism
When there have been deep losses or trauma, it can be tempting to blame yourself for things going a certain way. Perhaps you regret how you handled a situation, or you hold yourself responsible for an error. Maybe there has been a responsibility placed on you from a young age that you’ve never been able to address, or you haven’t had access to people you can open up to. There may be times when you struggle to accept yourself or are afraid to face the truth. Or it could be that you are responsible for children or have responsibilities that you are struggling to keep up with.
The connection between blame and alcohol addiction isn’t discussed often because blame can feel justified. It makes sense to feel hurt or regretful. But when those emotions stay unprocessed and unspoken, they can push someone towards drinking for relief rather than choice.
Alcohol dependence and denial
The other side of blame comes in the form of denial. While there may be things beyond your control that have contributed to pain or difficult situations, blaming anyone or anything else can keep you in a cycle of alcohol dependence. If there is always a reason outside yourself, be that stress at work, a partner’s behaviour, family history, or unfair life events, it becomes harder to take accountability for how you respond to these events, and easier to use alcohol to protect yourself from the discomfort of change.
Blame impacts how we see ourselves and the world around us. When someone feels at fault for past decisions or blames someone else for how they behave, alcohol abuse can seem the safest option. Yet, it’s holding onto this blame, letting it fester and dealing with it alone, that is the real cause of the anxiety that drives people to reach for another drink and keeps them in the cycle of alcohol use disorder.
Breaking the cycle of alcohol dependence in the blame game
Everyone we’ve supported at The Haynes clinic who fell into alcohol addiction drank for emotional survival. The mind learns that alcohol can silence guilt and offer a brief break from feeling judged by other people or themselves. Heavy self-blame and unresolved emotional distress increase the likelihood of using alcohol as a coping strategy, especially when someone feels they have no other outlet. It creates a cycle where reliance on alcohol seems like the only way to shut down emotions that feel too big to manage.
Once alcohol becomes a way to manage blame, it creates a loop that’s harder to break than people expect. When alcohol use disorder takes over, drinking becomes a lonely affair – even if you are physically around other people. This is because alcohol doesn’t provide enjoyment. Instead, it temporarily dulls painful thoughts. When the effects fade, the guilt, anger, or shame tend to return even heavier, often intensified by regret about drinking, which exacerbates blame once more. Over time, the brain starts linking alcohol with emotional relief – a common sign of alcoholism – especially for those who already struggle with self-criticism or unresolved shame. This cycle feeds on itself: the more someone drinks to cope, the more harshly they judge themselves, and the harder it becomes to face the feelings they’ve been numbing.
This cycle can feel incredibly lonely, and it can seem as if nobody understands the battle you’re facing. All of our workers have faced this struggle and helped thousands of people, through connection, genuine compassion and achievable steps, to look at suppressed emotions. While this may seem impossible, recognising when blame is driving unhealthy behaviours is the first step to pulling away from this downward spiral and on the path to healing.
Overcoming alcoholism by freeing yourself of blame
Blame almost always has roots: unmet needs, painful experiences, regrets never spoken aloud, or impossible expectations from others, manifest under the surface. Exploring those layers with expert guidance and people who understand the strength it takes to reach out for alcoholism support creates an environment in which you can look at and accept responsibility for the past, without letting it define you.
When these thoughts are explored and responded to with self-compassion rather than blame or judgement, the desire to drown the reality in alcohol significantly reduces. Letting go of blame isn’t about rewriting or changing the past. It’s about giving yourself permission to learn and grow with more clarity, more compassion, and enough emotional space to heal from an addiction to alcohol.
If you’re feeling worn down by the cycle of drowning blame, we understand and are here to support you whenever you feel ready. Contact our experienced team for compassionate and confidential advice.