Being in active addiction, we have many common problems in our lives. Not all of these apply to every person in active addiction, but the common issues for alcoholics and addicts are that we lie a lot; do not show any real interest in things around us; have eating issues; are physically not strong enough; are moody, defensive, and / or verbally abusive; do not take care of our surroundings; depressed; have low self worth etc etc.
If you are an alcoholic or using addict I would be amazed if a number of these things do not apply to you. If you are someone who loves and cares for a drinker or addict you probably recognise these behaviours in the one you love.
Why do alcoholics and addicts lie?
Why do we lie? For several reasons . The obvious one is that we do not want to be found out and we cannot believe that you really know what is going on. So if we tell you we are not lying and look you in the eye, we think there is a good chance you will have to believe us and we will not be found out. I know people who have insisted they have no alcohol and have not had a drink when the evidence is poking out or clanking in their handbag at their feet. The other reason we lie is that we don’t want to hurt you with the truth yet again.
We show no interest in the things around us, why? Because our only real interest is where our next drink or drug is coming from. Also we feel depressed (usually as a direct result of our drinking or using. We feel bad about it and alcohol and many other drugs are chemical depressants in themselves. And anti-depressants don’t work if mixed with alcohol). For this same reason, we may be physically present for our families but we are emotionally absent.
Heavy drinking
Heavy drinking is also associated with poor eating habits and appetite. We get all our calories from the alcohol, and our depression and stress levels (which ultimately are caused by the drinking even if initially alcohol lifted our mood and made us feel relaxed) means that we find it difficult to want to or actually eat.
Stopping drinking
When we stop drinking or using, many of these issues disappear! We no longer have the need to lie. We begin to take an interest in people and the world around us because our focus has changed. Our appetite returns and with it our physical strength. The moods which are frequently fuelled by guilt disappear. The depressed state is removed and we begin to value ourselves. It is wonderful to welcome each new day without regrets about the previous day or without having to piece the events of the previous day together. And we need never have another hangover in my life. That is freedom!