In early recovery from addiction, it is very easy to get in to the mode of wanting to help and be friendly with everyone. You have suddenly ‘got recovery’ and you want to share this with everyone. Equally, you assume those people who got recovery before you and have many months or even years of clean and sober living are now following an honest programme and have the purest motivation in offering the hand of friendship to those new in recovery.
Sadly this is not the case and the people you will meet at recovery meetings represent not only many aspects of human kindness and goodness, but also certain elements of human frailty and darkness. As in life, so in recovery, there are two sides to every human being – a good and bad side. The one that dominates in each human being is the one that that person ‘feeds’. We all have a choice as to whether to live our lives honestly, forgiving others and being kind and generous to others (with our time as well as materially) or whether to carry our resentments and anger, and feed our hatred for others.
Trust Your Instincts
That said, if early in recovery yourself, do not be so kind and generous with your time and material possessions such that you offer a fellow recovering (or not yet recovering) alcoholic or addict a loan or a bed for the night. You need to know people a little better before helping them out in that way. Similarly, do not give your telephone number to someone just because like you they are at a recovery meeting. Trust your instincts. If they are not the sort of person you would want to talk to on the telephone in any other walk of life, don’t do it. And never give your address to a stranger.
Some people at recovery meetings are not following the programme and should be avoided if you want a good quality recovery. At some of my local meetings there is a man who shares at every meeting that he does not believe in any twelve step programme but that he has been sober now for x number of years and just focuses on not drinking every day. Well done him for staying sober.
Humanity & Recovery
However, his is not a very attractive form of sobriety as he looks miserable and is miserable. Nothing in his attitude or behaviour has changed apart from putting down the drink. If I came to a meeting wondering what was on the other side of drinking to make it worth while giving up, I would take one look at him and say I might as well drink myself to death! I have also heard of someone who goes to recovery meetings locally who tries to sell financial products (scams?) to people. And of course there will always be the sexual predators.
My local meetings are not that different to any others – all humanity is at all of these meetings. Your responsibility is to sort the wheat from the chaff, as in life.