When you get into recovery, assuming that you attend recovery meetings or go into rehab. You will meet some people who are on the same timeline as you. That is, they are going into recovery at the same time. You will share a particular bond with these people.
Peer Group
My particular peer group – sometimes also referred to as ‘litter mates’ as you are all ‘babies’ together. Comprised 5 others and I met them all in rehab where you can develop close relationships very quickly because of the amount of time you spend together. One was a woman a few years older than me. She and I on the surface had little in common. I was a full time successful career woman. She was a well to do stay at home wife and mother who if anything was bored with the lack of direction in her life, her children having grown up.
The others were men. The oldest was 74, a gentleman who took a shine to me and was quite intellectual. The other three were all a few years younger than me but of a sufficiently similar age for us to have children of similar ages. For us to be at a similar stage in our lives. As a group we all bonded though obviously I was close to some than others (if I am honest, one of them I did not particularly like or trust and later events proved I was correct in my initial assessment).
Some Did Not Want to Stop
However, I certainly cared about all of them and 5 of the 6 of us were absolutely confident that we would stay on the straight and narrow once we left rehab. The other (older man) did not want to stop drinking. He minimised how much he drank – said initially it was only 2 cans of Special Brew a day though this went up to 4 and then from 4 to 8 – plus wine – plus a gin and tonic or two. As the days in rehab progressed and as his family provided testimonials as to what his drinking was like.
Nonetheless, he wanted to carry on doing this despite the threats from his family that he could not be left alone with his grandchildren. As soon as he got home he drank again. I accepted this and was not too upset as the writing was on the wall all the time. However, it was a little annoying when we agreed to meet up where he had a holiday cottage for the day . I drove 3 hours only to find he had no recollection of making the arrangement and was still at his home. Alcohol was certainly not his friend that day!
People Close to me Relapsed
One of the other men I was close to also relapsed, as did I. I got back on the horse pretty quickly but he continued to drink for a further year before returning to rehab. For several months and finally getting long term recovery. That was a hard year for me as I had got sober and was working a programme. He was up to his old tricks of drunkenness, isolating and not answering the phone. I stood by him but it was frustrating.
It was only frustrating, though. I have seen people in a peer group devastated when one of them doesn’t make it and dies. Bringing home to them and others the serious nature of this illness.
Gain Friends
However, for all the friends we lose to this illness. There will be more that we gain through having it. It is important to hold on to that while looking after your own recovery.