Alcoholics Anonymous suggests that we find ourselves a sponsor. What is a sponsor? Such a difficult question to answer as it probably means something different to each one of us. Theoretically a sponsor is a person with whom we can share our fears and worries, who will guide us through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, and someone we can trust who will guide us in the direction we need to go.
I remember leaving treatment and being “assigned” a sponsor. I went to meet him and spent some hours with him but sadly it wasn’t to be for me at that time. Didn’t have the trust and willingness to hand over my will. I needed something more, someone I liked, admired in their recovery, someone who showed some humility and care. It wasn’t enough for me to have the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous preached to me. Sounds harsh and critical but I needed a friend too. As time went by I found I was sharing my fears and thoughts with a friend, also a member of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Sponsor – Call and Ask For Advice
When things got tough I would call him and ask for his advice. He never gave me advice but he gave me his time. He listened and encouraged me to understand the world around me and how things had changed now. Also explained that the changes I was seeking to keep up with my world would come if I followed the 12 steps.
As time went by I found that I was very demanding of my sponsor friend, insisting that he take the lead in my future as I felt lost and alone, like a child with nowhere to go. He agreed that for a short while he would take my hand (metaphorically) and together we could discover my goals and begin step by step to achieve them. I had no idea how difficult it was going to be doing what someone else asked of me. You see most of my life I had been impulsive, strong willed, arrogant and ready to take on the world. Now I felt vulnerable, lonely and so lost. Step 1.
Powerless Over Alcohol
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable. That certainly was the case with me. Life was so unmanageable now that I was able to stop and take a look at my life and myself. From there on in I made a decision -to do whatever my sponsor suggested. How hard was that? It often felt that I was doing the opposite to what I felt was right and that was tough. He suggested I went to college to do an access course. That was not what I had in mind! How could someone as thick as me consider college? I went – with him walking beside me. When my grades were not so good he came to the college to question the tutor on my behalf, just because he thought I needed encouragement and the tutor wasn’t keen on my essay about AA.
Called My Sponsor When I Doubted Myself
I soon learned that it’s not everyone’s idea of a way of life, sadly. I did what he told me for two years. It wasn’t easy. When I went away to University, yes I got there, I would call him when I doubted myself, when I got too arrogant and we talked and talked and I always felt better. I met new friends in AA and found a sponsor nearby but still kept in touch with my friend and first real sponsor. He had guided me through so many difficult early years and always let me know that he couldn’t have done anything if I hadn’t been willing. In fact he had done nothing, he said, it was me who had done the hard work. All it took on my part was to listen and act.
Sadly my friend died. I was able to spend two weeks with him before he died and we talked and laughed, we cried and laughed. I didn’t go to his first funeral. When it took place I went to a mountain river and sat thinking of our time together. He had a Buddhist funeral and I went to that with some of his close friends. He helped me unconditionally and I miss him. Alcoholics Anonymous helped us both to live another life.
Having a sponsor assists the maintenance of a successful addiction rehabilitation.
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