I really didn’t want to go to rehab as I was a bit frightened. Not of what I would have to face there as I could not conceptualise that. But I didn’t want to be parted from my drink, though I knew it was making me ill and utterly miserable. Effectively destroying my life. I had to get drink before going into rehab and have a blow out, I got to the shop at 10.30pm which closed at 11pm. I stocked up and intended to drink throughout the night.
Complete Mess
I didn’t manage to do that and slumbered through the night but by morning I was sufficiently fuzzy to be totally disorganised and I had not packed. I was feeling weak and miserable. My ex turned up to take me and we threw some things into a suitcase. I grabbed a hair brush as I am always conscious if my hair is a mess and being a drunk had not changed that. So I arrived at the rehabilitation clinic clutching my hairbrush. I dozed most of the way there.
Feel so Low
On arrival I was checked in and introduced to the senior therapist. By this time I had been given a picture of my children by my ex and I apparently thrust this in his face. I am proud of my beautiful children and I now recognise why I did this. To show I had achieved something very worthwhile in my life. As someone who now welcomes people to rehab, I see the same sort of behaviour frequently. People tell me they have an excellent job, have been very successful etc. It is because they feel so bad about themselves and feel so low that they want to try and demonstrate they are worthwhile.
Rehab
I was shown to my room, which I must admit was very pleasant. I met the others I was going to be in treatment with. Saw the GP and he prescribed my detox and I also had a massage (this was quite an upmarket rehab clinic!).
Can remember feeling full of self-pity and shedding a few tears throughout that day. I was taken with the others to an AA meeting, which I can only remember that I could not have a cup of tea or coffee because my hands were shaking so much. Then it was back to the accommodation, and time to get some sleep. A sleeping tablet helped me on that first night.
And that was it – I was in rehab and about to begin my treatment.
The Haynes Clinic is an alcohol, gambling and drug rehab clinic which offers detox and counselling for people with addictions.
Call 01462 851414 for free and confidential advice.
