Having a sponsor is a crucial requirement for someone in recovery from an addiction. There are a number of important aspects to bear in mind about choosing a sponsor.
First of all, if you are new to recovery, it is important that you get a sponsor as quickly as possible. You will need someone there to guide you and to look out for you and someone to introduce you to the 12 Step Programme. You will need someone that you can trust to confide in – so get someone in place pronto!
Your sponsor needs to be right for you. There are several ways in which your sponsor can be right for you. First of all, it can be someone who you hear speak at a meeting and can identify with. You may think that this is someone who you can talk to, who shares a similar background to you or who you can respect and admire because of what they have been through and what they have become. Maybe you have a similar story to theirs. On the other hand you may need a sponsor who complements you rather than is similar to you – someone who can spot your weaknesses and can address them, rather than someone who has similar strengths and weaknesses to you.
Be The Same Sex
Your sponsor should be of the same sex. You might feel that you get on better with members of the opposite sex and that most of your friends are of the opposite sex. However, it is never good to have a sponsor of the opposite sex (unless you are gay or lesbian) as it is likely that you will become very close to your sponsor and will share your most intimate thoughts with him or her. It is therefore best not to let the possibility of any romantic thoughts or involvement enter into the equation. Even if you are confident that this would never be the case, it is better not to even allow the possibility in the first case.
Temporary Sponsor
If you are struggling to find a sponsor, you might find that at one of the meetings you attend there is a list available of people who are willing to be a temporary sponsor. At some meetings, these people actually identify themselves in the meeting. If this does not happen and you are not confident with approaching an individual directly, you could share in the meeting that you need help in identifying a sponsor and someone will probably approach you at the end of the meeting and either offer to sponsor you or introduce you to someone who can. If in doubt, just ‘appoint’ a temporary sponsor. Even if you choose someone on a long term basis, there may come a time when you feel you need to move on. Most sponsors accept this without any hard feelings. It is how recovery works.
It goes without saying that your sponsor should be able to take you through the twelve steps and should have time for you.
Myself, my daughter got me a sponsor when she was desperate for me to get some help to stop drinking. I would not have chosen the lady she did as she seemed pretty stern to me – I would have gone for a softer more malleable option! My Higher Power was obviously looking out for me though, as I needed someone who could direct me from her many years’ experience of recovery and working the 12 Step Programme. We have been ‘together’ for over 5 years and work well together.
You need to just get on with it – good luck!
If you have an alcohol, gambling or drug related problem. Please call 01462 851414 for free and confidential advice and help.
