If you attend Alcoholics Anonymous – and if you are an alcoholic it is highly recommended that you do. It is suggested that you have a sponsor. In the early days of AA in America, hospitals would not treat someone for alcoholism unless someone ‘sponsored’ them, bringing them to hospital, visiting them while there and picking them up and supporting them once they were discharged. Today, a sponsor is someone who acts as a mentor. Often taking you to meetings if you cannot get there yourself. Taking you through the 12 Step Programme, and being on hand at all times of the day or night if you need help.
Sponsor Will Guide You
Essentially your sponsor will be your guide and supporter in your recovery. It is usually left to you to find your own sponsor. Often the way to do this is to listen at meetings for someone who you can identify with. Who seems to have a good strong and enduring recovery (of years not weeks or months).
Some points to bear in mind when choosing and communicating with your sponsor are:
• Select someone of the same sex (unless you or they are gay!). It is a very bad idea to even open up the possibility of a romance with your sponsor and you need to be able to talk to your sponsor about everything honestly, including relationships.
• Sponsors cannot make you do anything, they can only suggest courses of action. But remember they have years of experience and sobriety behind them, have your interests at heart – and may be right!
• Your sponsor is not a professional worker in their relationship with you. They are simply a sober alcoholic who is there to help you stay sober from their own experience of alcoholism. You should not be asking them for professional or medical help (though they may be able to advise you where to go to get this) nor for financial support.
• They also has a life. While they are likely to go out of their way for you. They may not always be able to be there for you when needed. If this is the situation, pick up the phone to someone else or attend an AA meeting
• They are only human and can make mistakes. If you feel your sponsor has let you down or badly advised you it is not an excuse for a drink! Only you can be responsible for being that foolish as to pour a drink down your neck!
•You do not owe your sponsor anything. They help you because it is what recovering alcoholics do – help each other. We ‘keep it (our sobriety) by giving it away’.
Stay Sober in Return
All you need do in return is stay sober, be grateful for your recovery and, when the time comes and you have a long period of sobriety behind you, offer the same help to someone else. You do not have to stay with your sponsor for life – at some point you may find it helpful to move on to a different one.
Your sponsor should not mind if this is what you feel you need to do. Similarly, if in your early days you find it difficult to identify a suitable long term sponsor. Ask someone if they will sponsor you temporarily until you do. At some meetings you might find a list of people who are prepared to sponsor on a temporary or more full time basis. Good luck with finding a good sponsor and having a fruitful and happy relationship with him or her!
The Haynes Clinic is a drug, gambling and alcohol rehab clinic offering detox and treatment for those suffering from addiction to alcohol, drugs and prescription medication.
Call 01462 851414 for confidential help and advice.