In recovery, we learn about ourselves and we learn self-acceptance. Many of us have been running away from ourselves for a long time, escaping by dulling our feelings with drink or drugs. Now we see ourselves more clearly. We find if we share honestly – and honesty is fundamental to addiction recovery – people at AA and NA meetings are not judgemental and accept us for who we are.
If they will accept us, we can accept ourselves too. Perhaps even grow to like ourselves (few of us liked ourselves when we were pouring drink down our neck or taking drugs). Not only can we grow to like ourselves, but by working the programme, we can grow as individuals- in our strength, compassion and humility.
Twelve Step Program
Our life is now run on a new basis – that of the Twelve Step Programme. We have put the past behind us and made our apologies to those we have harmed in the past, when it has been appropriate to do so. Are open to changing our attitude and to the removal of our character defects. We take responsibility for what we do on a daily basis and when we are wrong we admit it and take steps to correct our behaviour, making amends to those we have harmed in the process. We are free to live our lives differently.
Day to Day in Recovery
That is not to say we will not have days when we are ‘out of sorts’. When we are obviously irritable or feeling low, we need to do something about it. We need to take a ‘spot inventory’ and look at why we are reacting the way we are. We need if necessary to make a gratitude list – a list of all that is good in our lives. In the end, we cannot control the people, places or things that are making us irritablewe can only change our reaction to it. We can only influence and change ourselves. By doing what is right ‘just for today’ we avoid storing up future problems for ourselves.
Sometimes, we need to let down our guard and let the tears flow. I always saw this as a sign of weakness and thought it was not good to let anyone see me upset. Now I see that was false pride. We are all human – and therefore vulnerable.
Embrace Recovery
Many of us drank or used because we wanted things to be perfect. I meet so many alcoholics for whom this is true – they are competitive because they have to be the perfect top dog. I have just been to the funeral of one such person who could not cope when his marriage failed and his life could no longer be presented to the outside world. Yet alone himself – as perfect. So, to put it bluntly, he drunk himself to death. I was in exactly the same position, losing my marriage. Fortunately I found and embraced recovery.
Don’t Hide Our Emotions
If we are honest and do not hide our emotions, the irony is that people will see the true us . And probably admire that all too human vulnerable person more than the person we would have wanted them to see in the past. The together person with a perfect life – who was a sham.
The Haynes Clinic is an residential alcohol, gambling and drug rehab clinic which offers detox and counselling for people with addictions.
Call 01462 851414 for free and confidential advice.