At the end of our drinking or using days, most of us were pretty isolated and did not want to communicate with anyone. I can remember getting quite angry with the telephone when it rang (although it wasn’t the telephone’s fault!). Shouting at whoever it was disturbing my peace to ‘go away’ (or something ruder) without even answering it. For the person trying to call me. It was deeply concerning that I did not answer as the very reason they were phoning was to check how I was. No answer meant they knew I was in a bad place and drinking.
When I did bother to call them, I had to make a huge effort as it was not something I wanted to do. If I had been drinking, I even used to rehearse saying hello and used to check the sound of my voice to check I was not slurring or showing other evidence of drinking.
AA
When I first went to Alcoholics Anonymous, I was told not to pick up a drink but to pick up the phone. This advice was not really what I wanted to hear and nor was I going to act on it. If I felt like a drink, the last thing I wanted to do was to telephone someone and tell them that was what I felt like doing in the hope that they would persuade me not to. I did not want to be persuaded – I wanted to drink! It was only when I really wanted to stop drinking. Stay stopped – that I understood why telephone therapy was so important.
Reach Out on the Telephone
For me, the change came when I found someone who I could telephone who I truly wanted to talk to and who was in a good strong addiction recovery. This led me to discover the benefit of talking to someone rather than drinking. Led me on to start communicating with the outside world again, looking outward and living. I discovered that people wanted to hear from me, to talk to me. Not just to reassure themselves that I was all right. But to begin to engage with my (increasingly interesting) life.
Pleased to Hear From Me
I found that they were pleased to hear from me at all times of day! Instead of presenting myself in the most reassuring light I could (and fooling no one) I began to share honestly the ups and downs of my day – and it felt good! Some of these telephone acquaintances have subsequently become good friends with whom I can socialise whenever I want without anyone drinking. That is not to say that I do not still socialise with my friends who are able to drink. But this is no longer an ordeal. It is just something I do and approach like any of my non-drinking social occasions. I know I will not drink with my drinking friends. Nor do I need to in order to have a good time.
I now have people phoning me who need a sympathetic ear in early recovery. It is good to be able to help people. Us recovering alcoholics and addicts find there is a lot of truth in the old saying that ‘we keep what we have got by giving it away’. It makes us feel better about ourselves and what we are achieving and makes life very good!
The Haynes Clinic is an alcohol, gambling and drug rehab clinic which offers detox and counselling for people with addictions. It follows the Twelve Step Programme of recovery.
Call 01462 851414 for free and confidential advice.