I have learned I don’t have to be perfect – something I really tried hard to be. And because of this I don’t expect others to have perfection either. It’s about progress not perfection – I have become far less judgemental. I accept people more for what they are, I have adapted to living in a much more realistic world.
At the end of my drinking
At the end of my drinking, I knew I could no longer live a life with alcohol. It was totally destroying me. However, I could not see a life without alcohol either. How would I cope when I needed it to get me through my day? And even if I managed this amazing feat, when would I ever have fun in my life again? Life would be dull, I would have no means of relaxation, how would I ever go to a party or out for a meal if I could not have a drink?
How wrong could I be? I have on balance more fun now that I had when I was drinking. There is more laughter (I had lost my ability to laugh by the end of my drinking), and I let my hair down because I want to. There is control in my life. My children think I am a bit eccentric and mad at times – but now they know it is not because I am drunk and out of control, they find it rather endearing. They are proud of me and think I am fun. Their friends describe me as ‘cool’ and someone to be respected.
Progress not Perfection
As we work on ourselves through the twelve step programme, we find we think less and less about drinking or using until we suddenly realise that the obsession with alcohol or drugs has gone. For some people, this might happen in a blinding instant but for many of us, it is gradual until we one day realise that we are not thinking about alcohol or drugs from one day to another. That really is a wow factor when we look back to how our obsession used to control every waking thought and all our behaviours. Alcohol or drugs no longer control us – and that is a miracle.
This is an illness
This is an illness for which there is no cure but there is recovery. We will have bad days still – our lives do not become perfect because we no longer drink or use – but we have excellent days too and there are many more of those than there ever were when we were drinking. It’s all about progress not perfection.
We can now live our lives free from guilt and shame. We have peace of mind – otherwise known as serenity. There is a small price to pay and that involves helping others with the same illness, but that is such a small price and anyway we end up gaining so much more than we give.
We can live a full and happy life. We will end up dying with this illness as it never goes away and we cannot be cured. However, we do not have to die from it. But always remember that recovery from addiction is always work in progress.
If you have an alcohol or drug related problem, please call 01462 851414 for free and confidential advice and help.
