‘Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character’.
In our Steps 4 and 5 we identified all the aspects of our character that had not been that helpful to us in the past. They may have included our ego, our pride, our self will, arrogance, stubborn nature, anger, selfishness, laziness, spite, jealousy, negativity, the list could be very long indeed. We should have recognised where these traits have led us into saying and doing things that have caused us emotional pain – feeding our anger, resentment and ill feeling. These traits will have led us to be a person that we don’t really want to be. Step 6 is a fairly simple step. We are ready to let all these defects of character go.
But are we?
It makes us quite vulnerable to lose some of these characteristics and to some extent some of them may have ‘served us’ in the past. We might use our anger to keep people away and to use the energy to defend and protect ourselves. Without it, we become more accepting of situations in our life. This is a much easier way to live but can leave us feeling defenceless and weak. That does not have to be the case. Not showing anger does not mean that we are weak and defenceless. We can have boundaries and be assertive without losing our temper and going into uncontrolled situations that can arise from us losing our temper and demonstrating our anger. Anger is ultimately destructive, especially within ourselves.
What about our self will which we can sometimes see as will power?
Do we want our will power taken from us? We may think it helps us to achieve things, that we need it to maintain our sobriety, for example. The answer is that self will / will power rarely helps us. It often means that we do not listen, that we lose the ability to discern what is best for us and we become unwilling to ask for help and listen and take good advice. I found that my not inconsiderable will power could be used to stop drinking, for example. However, using will power on a daily basis was very hard work indeed and eventually my will power failed and I returned to drinking. Acceptance that I did not drink was the answer, not will power to fight the urge. Looked at like this, self will and will power are definitely defects of character worth ditching.
Negative characteristics
It goes without saying that pride and ego are negative characteristics. Our pride will stop us acknowledging when we are wrong and again can put an unhelpful barrier around us. It can stop us asking for help. Our ego can operate in a similarly negative way, especially if we are boastful. Arrogance is not an attractive characteristic. Ego and pride can often result in us putting on a false front. When the outer self is not aligned with the inner self, we are uncomfortable and that can lead us back to alcohol or drugs.
There should be no reluctance at all to ask for spite, jealousy, laziness, selfishness and general negativity to be removed. Similarly stubbornness is not an attractive personality trait.
If you are in any doubt about being ready to have these characteristics removed, look at the damage they have done you in the past. A new way of life has to be worth a try and the proof will be when you get freedom from them and start to live your life on a new basis.
Link to the outline of the whole 12 step process for addictions
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