Strange but true – As someone in recovery, there are a number of paradoxical statements I hear on a regular basis that turn out to have real meaning and truth.
The first is ‘surrender to win’. I am a good example of the sort of person who becomes an alcoholic and whose worst enemy is myself. I am a strong person. Can be stubborn. I am self-willed and determined. All of these characteristics have served me well in some aspects of my life. I have done well in my career and by and large I achieved what I set out to achieve in my life. When I met the man I thought was the one for me. I made sure I met him again and that we got together. I married him, we had children, we achieved the lovely home and lifestyle. Much of this was fed by my determination.
Accept Instruction
However, when it came to my drinking, I was convinced my strong will would mean I would be able to control it and stop. I knew best. Even when I ended up in rehab, I fought to retain my will. It was not until I finally gave up and accepted instruction from those who knew more about my addiction than I did that staying sober became a real possibility. I gave up and won the battle against my addiction. I am now sufficiently humble to know that the battle is never permanently won – but I now know how to stay well on a daily basis. It is such a relief to give up the fight and surrender.
Give it Away to Keep It
Next we have ‘you have to give it away to keep it’. This is about helping other addicts, usually by attending meetings. If we reach out to others who might benefit from our experience and help, we are also in constant contact with those still in active addiction. It reminds us where we came from and what is waiting for us just around the corner if we pick up just one drink or drug. Helping others is also a great way to feel some self-esteem and worth.
Suffer to Get Well
Third we have ‘suffer to get well’. If our drinking or using did not cause us any pain, why stop? It has to get painful – very painful – and bring us to our knees before we will realise that it does nothing for us any more and only makes us miserable. Only then will we have a big enough incentive to get well.
Strange But True – We Have to Die to Live
And finally we have ‘die to live’. This means letting go of those parts of our character that do us no favours – for example, our self-will, our controlling nature, our resentments against others etc. By letting go of these destructive aspects of ourselves, we are free to live our lives in a much happier and more constructive way. Life becomes richer and more full: we can appreciate things that we did not see before: nature, beauty, music, our friends, love and laughter – all those things we could not see in the past because we were drunk or out of it.
The Haynes Clinic is an alcohol, drug and gambling rehab clinic which offers detox and counselling for people with addictions.
Call 01462 851414 for free and confidential advice.
