Towards the end of our drinking, gambling or using, many of us became very isolated and lonely. We felt alone even when with others and we spent a lot of our time in our homes often in a particular room, not wanting to communicate with the outside world. Our world got smaller and we shrunk into it. We felt worthless and had little left to offer of ourselves; other people also threatened our drinking or using in that many of them wanted us to cut down or stop. We avoided them in order to protect our habit.
In recovery from addiction, we go on a journey of discovery about ourselves. We get to know ourselves fully and we work on the parts of us that we decide are our character defects. We give ourselves a full audit of our character (in Steps 4 and 5) and on a daily basis we take an inventory of our lives. Learn who we are, what we want and how we feel. We begin to feel comfortable with ourselves.
Share Ourselves
Now we can share ourselves with others. We start this process in our early days when we share in meetings. As we become brave enough to share and reach out to others, we feel the love coming back to us from people who do not even know us.
With time, we get to know our fellow recovering addicts and alcoholics and we can begin to share our innermost thoughts and feelings. We give and receive warmth and friendship; we begin to trust and get close to our fellow beings and our lives are enriched. Learn the value of being honest and the serenity this brings into our lives.
Open and Honest
Of course sometimes being so open and honest can be risky. It will happen that at times our honesty will backfire and our reaching out will be rebuffed. But when it is not, which is most of the time, we will find the risk worth taking.
Becoming intimate with others does not mean that we have to involve ourselves in sexual or romantic relationships. Indeed it is strongly advised that we do not begin new relationships of this nature in the first year of recovery. The reason for this is simple and it has been proved to be wise advice time and again (from the experiences of others who ignore it!). In the first year of recovery, although we may not feel it, we are vulnerable. Our new found happiness is still built on relatively shallow foundations. We are still finding ourselves and for many of us, we have not been feeling our real feelings for many months (even years) as we have deadened them through alcohol and drug use. Now we feel.
Don’t Get into a Relationship too Early
If we indulge in a relationship, we are not giving ourselves time to get to know the real us. And if anything goes wrong, many of us cannot cope with the pain and return to the substance we used to use to escape from painful feelings.
So in the early days, reach out and share with friends. If you are single and want a relationship, there is plenty of time to go down this road when you get your recovery on firm foundations and you are fully comfortable with yourself.
The Haynes Clinic is a drug, gambling and alcohol rehab clinic offering detox and treatment for those suffering from addiction to alcohol, drugs and prescription medication.
Call 01462 851414 for confidential help and advice.