When I was a child, I was brought up in a good working class family. We were well respected as a family and there was not much spare money around. Drinks only came out on special occasions and I do not remember anyone getting drunk, certainly not any of the adults in my parents’ generation.
I gradually became more aware of alcohol as I grew up and my older brother began to indulge in drinking sessions with his friends. I also became aware of one or two of my parents’ friends being described as ‘drinking too much’. The message was that people who drank too much were not to be respected. When my brother and his friends drank too much, they would be told off and if my brother was ill through drinking he would be told his behaviour was ‘disgusting’. I remember him being sick one bonfire night and being told that it ‘served him right’. I was brought up with the image of an alcoholic and drug addict as someone who lost everything through their weakness and would end up homeless on the streets.
How difficult for my family, then, when both my younger brother and I, both brought up in a well respected family, with standards of good behaviour, both became alcoholics. Are we both weak and feckless?
Alcoholics and Addicts – Weak and Feckless?
The answer is no, most certainly not. I am probably the strongest and the most successful high achiever in the family. Lots of alcoholics are high achievers. Lots of alcoholics are dynamic people. Alcoholics are very intelligent and driven. However, lots of alcoholics are very strong willed and determined (or stubborn). So what can drive their success can also sow the seeds of their destruction.
Even now, after going through the wringer of active alcoholism, my stubborn self will can get me into trouble. Now, though, I know when I am acting (foolishly) on my self will. When I was drinking, I thought my strong personality and will power would stop me drinking if I needed to stop and it prevented me hearing the concerns of those who loved me who recognised I was drinking far too much and was running out of control.
Will Power
My mother now makes a big issue of her will power. Even though she is in her late 80s and underweight. She makes a great issue of only allowing herself 2 squares of chocolate a day. WHY? Why not enjoy yourself and have as much as you feel like? Eating a bar of chocolate would not hurt her or anyone else. She will look at me and say, ‘Susan, you must have great will power not to have a glass of wine any more’.
I do have great will power – I have proved that in many aspects of my life, but I can categorically state that I am unable to exercise it in terms of my drinking. It does not take will power not to drink – it is about ACCEPTANCE. I don’t need my will power around alcohol as I simply accept that I can’t drink and alcohol is not a part of my life any more. This has given me great freedom in the way I live my life.
Many alcoholics and addicts are very strong personalities and people. This is what gets them into trouble. If they accept their addiction and surrender to what it means (total abstinence). Then they can use their strength of character as a much more positive force in their lives.
The Haynes Clinic is an addiction rehab clinic for all kinds of addiction and offers detox and counselling. For free and confidential advice, call 01462 851414
