In order to do identify your character defects, write a list of all your resentments and fears plus all people you have harmed. Then look at our conduct and consider our own involvement in these situations.
I will illustrate this with an example. In one of my jobs, I was flying high and doing very well. I was well respected by my colleagues on the board of the company and I generally actually liked them all as people. However, as is the way with the world, nothing stays the same. The MD left and someone else was appointed in his place. The next tier up – the holding company – decided to review the structure of the research companies within the group and decided to merge two of us large ones.
A new MD was appointed (who I did not like so much as he seemed to look out for himself and I felt he had no understanding of my area of the business) and outsiders decided to restructure. I was frustrated and angry at this outside interference and the changes that it was decided had to be made (involving restructuring and redundancies). I was resentful of the man who decided these changes had to be made and the new MD for failing to fight them.
My Resentment
The changes went ahead, the company lived on. In hindsight the changes were probably inevitable in order to prevent duplication and inefficiency between the two companies. So was my resentment all the fault of the two men? No, my step 4 and 5 taught me that it was not – it was about how I reacted and why. Felt threatened (my ego was undermined) and I, who was always in control of things at work, was no longer. I had a boss who was telling me that whether I liked it or not, this was happening. I was used to deciding what to do, using my personality and knowledge of my own market. Convincing everyone else to trust me, I was right.
Resentments and Fears Through Your Sponser
Through a ‘fearless and thorough’ moral inventory of all my resentments and fears with my sponsor. I identified my defects as being my oversensitive ego, and my self-seeking and controlling personality. I did not like being told what to do (when at the time I thought it was a bad decision) and I was afraid of no longer being in control of what was happening. If I look at a lot of my resentments and frustrations, they can come back to the same defects.
Defects Cannot Be Changed Overnight
We cannot change our defects overnight. By becoming aware of them we can decide to do something about them and can on many occasions pre-empt them from rearing their ugly heads. We can decide to stop being so self seeking. Try and turn to a higher power and seek guidance from outside ourselves.
In steps 4 and 5 of the twelve step programme we make a personal inventory of ourselves and identify our character defects. These we share with another human being.
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