I first heard this phrase when I told my younger brother (a recovering alcoholic about 5 years ahead of me) that I was going to my first AA meeting. I have since heard it mentioned many times at different AA meetings. Why do we need to say it?
Judgements
First, I would like to point out how quick we can be to make judgements about others. We have often heard it said that when first meeting someone or if we are an interview situation for a job. People can make a judgment about you within the first few minutes as to whether they like you or you are suitable. So it is when we are meeting fellow alcoholics. It is easy to see how they do not dress like us, are not educated like us, have not been brought up like us, have less material possessions than us, are older, younger, etc etc. The truth is, we have one massive thing in common – we are alcoholics and / or addicts, members of a unique group – whether we like it or not – which other people who we do think are like us but do not have our problem, cannot join.
Denial
The other reason – and probably more important one – that we are told to look out for the similarities and not the differences, is that, in early recovery or before we get into recovery, we are still probably in some denial about the nature and scale of our problem. We might not be comfortable in AA meetings and really want an excuse to not attend. So it suits us even if we are not aware that we are doing it, to look for reasons not to be there.
We can sit and listen to others sharing and think – I was not as bad as that. I was not pouring vodka on my cornflakes. I have never been done for drink driving. Never woke up next to someone I did not know. I never had blackouts. I have not lost my job, my marriage, my children, my friends, I am not homeless. We all say – not yet.
Similarities
If you are open minded, you will hear in most people’s stories some similarities to your own. No one has exactly the same story as me as we are all unique, but when I go to meetings I will hear and meet alcoholics who had a happy childhood, a good education, good jobs and career, lovely home, children as desired, friends, good income, lovely holidays etc – all just like me. I will also hear and meet people who had rules about not drinking before a certain time – like me. And people who relaxed those rules as time went on – like me. Who held on to their jobs (just) but damaged their prospects. Who lost their relationships – but not yet their whole family. Like me.
The Problem of Addiction – Similarities
The point is, our stories may be very different or just a bit different. None of us would have wanted to be alcoholics or addicts through choice – it was not in our lifetime ambitions or on our bucket list. But we all have one massive thing in common – the problem of addiction.
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