Lots of active alcoholics, people using drugs or gamblers cannot understand why everyone is so bothered about what they are up to. After all, who are they harming apart perhaps from themselves? I was certainly of this view as I was a mellow drinker (at least most of the time). I did not get aggressive or abusive and I did not do anyone any physical harm. Might get a bit too garrulous and say too much and I might let secrets out but I was not a vindictive person (though I might regret what I had revealed the next day). I might get a bit too lively and be a bit of an embarrassment on the dance floor but it was all pretty harmless.
Unreliable
I might get a bit tired at times but that was because a drink made me relax and I could never have been called lazy. And, yes, at times, I have to admit I was a bit unreliable. If I was out at the pub after work and I was offered another drink (followed by another and another) I could not always drag myself away. This resulted in me going home much later than I said or not making it to another social arrangement… but this did not happen that often…
So why did those who loved me start to comment on my drinking? It was none of their business generally (unless I let their secrets out or embarrassed them) and that did make me a bit defensive. So I can see at times this made me a little argumentative….
Selfish
Now though, I can see that I was selfish and that as my drinking progressed I did hurt others and not just by occasionally embarrassing them or getting annoyed with them being on my case. What I saw as initially becoming more mellow and relaxed after a drink became an emotional absence for my family. I was physically there but not fully alert mentally . Of course I became forgetful and occasionally I would repeat myself. I isolated and did not want to talk to anyone. Would avoid answering the phone and worried the people who loved me.
Remote and Hostile
Eventually, at the very end of my drinking it got to the point where my family tried to stop me drinking by stopping my access to money (but I always had a way to get hold of money as I was devious and had a spare cash card). They hid my car keys to stop me driving as they probably rightly thought I was over the limit. I became increasingly remote and hostile from my family as all I wanted to do was have a drink in peace. I knew they would not allow this.
So now, with the benefit of hindsight, I can see just how selfish my behaviour was. How selfish many alcoholics and addicts are when in action. I can also understand how frustrating it is for those who love them to witness and experience it.
Know more about the impact of addictions
The Haynes Clinic is an alcohol and drug rehab clinic which offers detox and counselling for people with addictions.
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