I realised I was dependent on alcohol – at that time I would not admit I was an alcoholic (though actually they are one and the same thing) – many years before my drinking became painful for me. I can remember where I was when I first acknowledged this fact, I was walking across a road during my lunch hour. At that time, I almost always had a drink at lunchtime. Well over half a bottle of wine, in all honesty occasionally followed by a mug of wine at my desk. Anyway, as I crossed that road I recognised that I really needed that drink at lunchtime otherwise I would feel frustrated and agitated and struggle to get through the afternoon to the next drinking opportunity. Anyway, as I was saying, I acknowledged this dependency years before I did anything about it.
Alcoholic – Carried on Drinking
After that I carried on drinking for a number of years in a controlled way(ish). I had my own rules and by and large I stuck to them. There was no drinking before noon; no more than a specified number of drinks at lunchtime (6 – though they could be any size). No more than the same number in the evening (taken at 45 minute intervals after 6pm which would just about see me through till bedtime).
These periods of drinking were punctuated by time off to have my children. I did not really enjoy being pregnant as it interrupted my drinking. But at least I did not drink very much while pregnant (3 glasses of wine a week). As the thought of doing damage to my unborn child was worse than the penalty of not having a drink. So I endured the 9 months.
Progression of an Alcoholic
After I had finished having my children. There was no longer any time off and my drinking progressed with more occasions when I got pretty drunk. Then my husband decided he had had enough of me and left and I began to break my own rules. I began to have a gin and tonic first thing to help take away the stress and the shakes I experienced in the morning.
I couldn’t sleep at night so, when I woke from my drink induced slumber at 4am I could only stop my whirring thoughts and get a little more sleep if I had a drink. And so it went on – a painful habit by this time.
AA Meetings
Eventually I got into a few scrapes, passing out and being difficult to wake. I had to admit that I might need outside help so off I went to a local AA meeting. My first meeting did feel very strange and I did not feel I would fit in with it. However, I did recognise that I was an alcoholic and needed to stop drinking. And I heard those very important words ‘keep coming back’. So I did.
Take your Body to Meetings and Mind Will Follow
I kept taking my body to meetings though my mind did not follow quite so completely but for 3 years I did go even if somewhat erratically. Eventually I got to the point though where my drinking was making my life such hell that I had to do something more drastic. When my family intervened and told me I had to go into a rehab clinic, I caved in. It was the best thing I ever did!
The Haynes Clinic is a drug and alcohol rehab clinic offering detox and treatment for those suffering from addiction to alcohol, drugs and prescription medication.
Call 01462 851414 for confidential help and advice.
