For people who develop alcohol problems, it is not uncommon for them to reach their so called rock bottom in middle age. A typical pattern would be having a party life style with a lot of drinking in their 20s. Then drinking as a habit in their 30s. And their drinking becoming destructive and more of a negative force in their 40s. This was my experience and it is often the experience of others in their 40s and early 50s who call for help from the clinic.
Middle age is no protection from becoming an alcoholic.
Personal experience
Of course this is a gross generalisation. From my own experience I can look back on my drinking in my 20s as halcyon days with lots of fun and laughter. Spending many booze filled evenings (and some day times) with family and friends. What a great time we had. In reality, yes there were fun times and I enjoyed it at the time. But there were also hangovers even in those days and many regrets when I realised how badly I had behaved. I would have rather a loose tongue when drinking. I might behave a little outrageously and without dignity. Even then I probably drank more and attached more importance to drinking than many of my friends.
I cut back on the big drinking occasions in my 30s when I had a young family. But drinking became more of a regular habit. Drinking at lunchtimes, drinking in the evenings most days… I would feel a little cheated if I did not mange to have my regular tipple. But I had my own rules. No drinking before 12 o clock, no more than a bottle of wine at lunchtime and in the evening. Yes, looking back that does sound a lot. And my life progressed along on nicely oiled wheels for many years. There were (many) occasions when I knew the scale of my drinking was not normal. But it had no major disastrous consequences. I am no fool and even recognised that I was ‘alcohol dependent’ as I preferred to call it at this time.
Giving into the habit
Then life got harder. Relationship problems hit me. I began to break my own rules in terms of my ‘personal bar opening times’. And it was not long before I started to get serious family pressure about my drinking. Now I was drinking to function and ‘survive’ . I started to prove to my family that I could stop by giving up for periods of time – but I could never stay stopped. At the first opportunity I would cave in, even knowing as I had that first drink after a period of abstinence, that I would not stop at one and that my drinking was likely to escalate until the next crisis led to another attempt at abstinence.
By this time my drinking was miserable, done largely on my own (I could not go to parties as I was too anxious about socialising and also would let myself down. Best to stay home and drink alone) and destroying not only me but the people who loved me and who worried about me (and were angry with me too).
So this middle aged alcoholic – like many other middle aged alcoholics – was prompted (forced?) by her family to go to rehab. Rehab is about change. It is about hope. It is about recognising that you don’t need alcohol to be happy and to begin a new life.
A middle aged alcoholic can become a recovering middle aged alcoholic who has a zest for life again and is happy and fulfilled. Try it.