If you want to stay sober, it is important to remember how bad drinking made your life. It is not a good idea to look back with rose tinted spectacles on happy times chatting at parties, laughing in the pub, sitting in a pub garden with a frosted glass in the summer or having a pleasant pre-dinner drink with friends. Remember that for us alcoholics, our drinking became miserable and nasty.
Need to Remember Where Drinking Took Us
We need to think of the latter days of our drinking and where that first drink inevitably led us. To secrecy, guilt, illegal behaviours such as drink driving, behaving outrageously with friends, giving people’s confidential information away, not doing our jobs properly or not looking after our children as we should, being unreliable, aggressive, angry, violent, passing out, falling asleep, having no energy, no appetite, not being able to sleep at night, feeling sick, ill, hung over, shaky, forgetful, sweating, feeling weak, physically wasted. There are so many bad things we can remember about our drinking and for us they far outweighed the good.
For those of us who indulged in so called controlled drinking for a long time. It took all of our energy to make it appear controlled when we knew we were out of control. This made us terrified and we often wondered what was wrong with us?
Hard to Imagine as a Drunk
I am a professional woman and most people even now find it hard to imagine me as a drunk. It is also true that up to the last few weeks of my drinking. I was sufficiently controlled to hold down a very senior post on the board of a large company. I was just about top in my field, serving on various outside committees and governing bodies. Most people who knew me (not my friends, though) would have thought me a pillar and upstanding member of the community. What few people (if any) were aware of was that I drank at every opportunity. In order to cope with any small challenge in those final few months. I had panic attacks when I had to drive on motorways (I now know this was to do with me not drinking before driving and going into withdrawal).
Couldn’t get on the Tube Without a Drink
I could not get on a tube without a drink and I don’t think I could have got on a plane because I hated the thought of being confined and not able to get off or out of a mode of transport. I drank in my car, in the fields, in the toilet – anywhere. Fell over and twisted my ankle when I fell asleep and had to rush to get off a train (I didn’t get off as I was sprawled on the floor). I cut my head and woke up with blood on my pillow – but did not remember cutting it. Started to get streaming nose bleeds on occasion as my blood was so thinned by the alcohol.
That is the reality of a drink for me. It would turn into a drunk in a very short time. Just having the one is not an option ever again and I only need to look back to think, thank God for that!
The Haynes Clinic is an alcohol, drug and gambling addiction rehab clinic which offers detox and counselling for people with addictions. It follows the Twelve Step Programme of recovery.
Call 01462 851414 for free and confidential advice.