Self pity is a fairly natural emotional state but one that can be dangerous for the recovering alcoholic. One that we are also quite prone to. To demonstrate that self pity is quite natural. You only have to look at a child who has been hurt in some way and who is crouched down and crying. Someone who is concerned or who loves the child goes up to him or her and is told to ‘go away, leave me alone’. The child wants to dwell on the hurt feelings and indulge in crying. As adults we have probably done that too. Had a good cry and felt sorry for ourselves on occasions.
Self Pity
As recovering alcoholics, we can feel self pity as to why we can’t drink like other people. Especially at this time of the year when the party season is in full swing. The simple fact is that we can’t and our drinking days are over. No point dwelling in self pity about this any more than it is worth getting down because we will never be 18 again or cannot live in the same era as Winston Churchill (something my mother is always telling me I missed out on.
Funnily enough, today my son asked me something about the 1980s and said it must have been great being young then because ‘you could do what you liked, there were no CCTV cameras’! An interesting perspective. I reminded him that if he had been around then. He would now be old like me and I am sure that is not what he wants to be). But in summary, we have to accept what we are. That we are alive in 2012, we are the age we are and we cannot drink.
Injustice
We can also feel self pity about many of our experiences from the past and the smallest thing can remind us of these and the injustice of it all. We may have an unhealthy family dynamic that has never been resolved. Or a grudge against a neighbour or just a relationship that did not work out for whatever reason and that can still rankle, many months or even years later.
The simplest way not to dwell in self pity is to turn it all around and think of all the good things in life. Especially if they can be related in some way to the things that can make us feel sorry for ourselves. So let’s start with the not being able to drink at this time of the year when so many people are enjoying indulging. Are they really? How many of them the next day regret their loss of inhibition. What they have said and done the night before. What they have left undone, and are dealing with a hangover and the damage this can do to the planned productivity of the next day?
Gratitude List
How fantastic not to have to be in those shoes again! If you feel self pity for something from your path (which is therefore a resentment) do a step 4 and 5 on it. And write a gratitude list. With this, all self pity should disappear.
The Haynes addiction rehabilitation Clinic is a drug, gambling and alcohol rehab clinic offering detox and treatment for those suffering from addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling and prescription medication.
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