The risk of being near alcohol
This weekend my daughter is getting married. I am a recovering alcoholic and will not be able to have any form of alcohol at the reception. Despite it flowing freely around me. Am I worried about this and my ‘safety’? The short answer is no. But that is because I have been sober for 12 years and am very secure in my recovery (though we can never take it for granted). Being a non drinker gets more natural and easier with time. But I do know that in my early days it would not have been so. Indeed, one of my considerations in the early days of giving up alcohol was how will I ever have fun again? What will I do when I go out for a meal? And what about when my ‘children’ get married? How will I feel not being able to toast them with alcohol?
Raising a toast
In fact, there have been so many occasions when I have taken part in ‘toasts’ since giving up alcohol. No one else really cares what is in your glass. It can be just plain old tap water if that is what happens to be in it. The only important thing is taking part in the action of raising a glass, clinking it
(sometimes) and taking a sip of something (if there is anything in it. I have been known to pretend to sip at an empty glass when caught out!). The point is that the only person likely to care what is in your glass is you. And this is the case on any social occasion.
Adjusting to a life without alcohol
To start with, as you begin to adjust to a life without alcohol, you may find it awkward going out and not drinking. That is quite normal but even in these early days it is likely that you are far more aware of what is in your glass than the people around you. You have been used to relying on the crutch that is alcohol at social occasions. Many people take it in their stride when they do not drink – for example, it is likely that there will be people who are driving and who will not drink.
So the first thing to realise is that it is quite ok not to drink and there should be no pressure to do so. If you do not want people to know the reasons why you are not drinking (and most people will not be bothered or interested) then just say you don’t drink / you are not drinking today etc whatever else you feel like. That is normally the end of it. You can add an explanation if you feel you need to eg you have an allergy to alcohol, you don’t drink for medical reasons, you have stopped because it no longer does anything for you, or you have drunk enough in your life and have decided to stop – whatever you feel comfortable with. But I repeat, most people really do not care – it is only likely to be you that feel it is unusual.
Substituting alcoholic drinks
So what are you going to drink to stay free from alcohol? Find a soft drink that you enjoy and drink that. There are lots of pleasant soft drinks available now. I have recently discovered elderflower juice and cordial. Sparkling water with ice and lemon is refreshing. Choose whatever you like but I would not recommend any of the alcohol free traditional alcohol beverages eg lager, wine, some of the alcohol free spirits, as these could evoke too many memories and feelings of drinking alcohol and lead you down a slippery path.
As time goes on, you will find it easier and easier. You will be able to relax and have a laugh / fun without alcohol. And the best thing of all? You will be able to remember everything that happened and will not let yourself down or embarrass your family and friends with your drunken antics.
So I am looking forward to my daughter’s wedding. I shall savour and remember every moment and when I wake up on Sunday I am confident that I will have happy memories of a lovely day – and not feel embarrassed, ashamed and low due to my behaviour. Cheers!