The answer has to be YES. For most of us, it couldn’t get much worse. At the end of our time in active addiction, no drink or drug is a happy drink / drug. They become a necessity – something we absolutely have to have in order to function or just get through the day. They no longer give that sense of well being they used to give us in the earlier days of our drinking / using. So we know we cannot carry on as we are – but we cannot see how we can live without that drink or drug either.
We are existing, not living.
What we need is to actually believe and experience that our lives will be happier without drink or drugs.
When I was drinking, I tried several times to stop and sometimes I actually managed it. When I stopped, I was definitely happier and I recognised this even while I was planning my next drink and knowing that I was planning my next bout of misery! That is the insanity of it – that you sort of know the damage you are doing but cannot stop doing it.
I remember walking my dog and thinking ‘tonight I will be on my own and I am going to buy a bottle – no one need know’. But even as I planned it. I knew that if no one found out then I would carry on until they did. Then the whole cycle of saying sorry, I won’t do it again, going through felling rough, getting back some sort of trust…. Until the next time – would begin again.
I Just Could Not Stop Drinking
Eventually this went on for too long and it got to the point where I just could not stop at all and each day was a drinking day. My family persuaded me to go to rehab and against my better judgement I gave in. I could not fight them any more.
Once in the clinic, I was with people just like me who had been through exactly the same thing and were all at the end of their drinking or using road. We had lots in common and with expert counsellors, we started to laugh again. In rehab I began to see a happy future. I could see that I could have new life long friends who would be on the same journey as me. And I began to feel my self worth returning and started to care about my appearance again.
Rehab
What I glimpsed in rehab – a happy future without alcohol – has become my reality. I laugh, I have a great sense of humour. I feel younger and I feel positive – and I do not need alcohol to feel relaxed and full of life.
Life still has its ups and downs. I have to deal with the daily difficulties that everyone has to face in my family, in my working life, and in the ups and downs of relationships. But I still have a lovely family. A good job and relationships. What does not kill you makes you stronger. I now can see that all my experiences are part of life’s rich tapestry. And my life now is certainly rich and so much happier than it was when every day was lubricated by alcohol.
The Haynes Clinic is a rehab clinic for alcohol and drugs which offers detox and counselling.
For free and confidential advice, call 01462 851414
