One of the biggest lessons I have learned in recovery from alcohol addiction is that showing your feelings is a really GOOD THING! I admired my parents and I never saw them cry at anything. I thought this meant that they were strong and I wanted to be strong for my own children too. So I never showed them my feelings either. I would not cry at an emotional film or anything like that.
When I was in treatment, I learned how buttoning myself up in this way was a BAD THING. Hiding my feelings and emotions on a grand scale had at least in part led me to drink. I wanted to put on the show of being the perfect being with the perfect life and when I could not live up to my own expectations, I drank to dull my senses and feelings. Rehab made me realise that I was teaching my own children that it was a bad thing to show your feelings. This realisation horrified me.
Asking For Help
I still find it difficult to ask for help and to admit my vulnerability but at least I now show my feelings and can say more honestly how I feel. Treatment taught me never to say I feel ‘fine’ or ‘ok’. That was not allowed. What are your feelings under that mask of ‘fine’? Showing vulnerability shows a softer side and can mean that others are more drawn to us – so we can help them as well as ourselves.
When we complete our Steps 4 and 5 in our recovery we have to open up and be completely honest. It is usually our first ever full and honest ‘self survey’. If we open up, confess our feelings and our resentments and the part of ourselves that has contributed to that painful situation, it is a hugely freeing experience. The relief of having looked at our past in this way is enormous. It allows us to go on to live a lighter and more joyous life.
Fun and Laughter – Feelings
In recovery, I now have much more fun and laughter than I ever had when I was drinking. I have a real ability to see the lighter side of life, to let things go and to live without any aid of mind altering substances. If I want to do something that is a little mad and ‘off the wall’, I do it because I want to and not because I have lost my inhibitions through drink.
My children can now laugh with me (good fun eccentric mum) rather than feel embarrassed by me (drunk mum). My 17 year old son thinks I am the one with the greatest sense of humour in the family. I feel my feelings, my friends in recovery are from such a diversity of backgrounds that my horizons have widened – I live!
The Haynes Clinic is an alcohol rehab and alcohol addiction treatment centre which not only successfully teaches people how to stop drinking but also offers drug rehabilitation treatment.
If you or a loved one needs help for alcohol or drug addiction, please call 01462 851414.
