Were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
Step 6 is the gateway to us being the person we would truly want to be – the person we aspire to be. Many of us drank or used on our defects of character or because we had these defects of character. Step 6 is the opportunity to start to get rid of them. Note I am saying start to get rid of them. I am of the personal belief that it is a most rare individual who can one day suddenly becomes the person they want to be. For most of us, our defects are ingrained through many years of practice and are in the essence of our character.
Defects Do Not Disappear Overnight
I can be controlling and self willed, for example. These defects do not disappear overnight. But now I am aware of them on a constant basis, I spot them when they rear their ugly heads and I try not to allow them to surface for more than an instant (I am not always successful but to be human is to err). The key point is written in the step itself – we have to be ‘entirely ready’ to have these defects removed. We have painstakingly identified them and seen the results of them in action when we have completed our steps 4 and 5. We have seen what harm these defects can do in our lives and how they have contributed to difficult situations for us. Why would we want to cling on to them?
Hold on to Defects if they Serve Us
The short answer is that we will only want to hold on to our defects if they serve us in any way. So does my desire to control and my stubbornness help me in any way? If I look at all of the occasions when these character defects are apparent. I have to say that they don’t. My desire to control may mean that things get done – but they are done by me and I have other people who could – and would like to – help me. By not asking for help. I am not giving other people the chance to take responsibility (which I sought when I was in their shoes). I am not delegating and freeing my time for things that are almost certainly more important. And being stubborn and digging my heals in rarely has a beneficial outcome.
Step 6
Many people will again balk at the God word. However, we need to go back to our step 3 in which we identified some form of Higher Power to help us and use this Higher Power or God at our step 6. The important point is to recognise that we need help and have been unable to change on our own. Our characters are ‘hardwired’ from our genetics, experience and our individual spirit. In order to have that change necessary to live happily, honestly and well in our sobriety, we need help. We have again to surrender and accept this.
Some of our character defects have stayed with us because we have got away with them. It is these that may be the hardest to shift as by holding on to them we are holding on to the remnants of our unhealthy way of living.
We focus on becoming the person we truly want to be and are ready to let go of those parts of ourselves that are preventing that.
The Haynes Clinic is an alcohol and drug rehab clinic which offers detox and counselling for people with addictions. See also our page with a description of our whole approach to alcohol addiction
Call 01462 851414 for free and confidential advice.
