Step Eight is a preparation for Step Nine – both part of our rehab treatment offering for compulsive drinkers. In Step Nine we actually make the amends. So in Step Eight we need to identify to whom we need to make these amends. Why can we not just let bygones be bygones? We should all have changed by this point so why can we not just take what we have learnt and let our future actions speak for themselves?
Wreckage
The reason is that there is wreckage from the past that really needs to be dealt with. We may have hurt or damaged others through what we have said or our behaviour. We have done damage to others – and our selves. We need to put things right as far as possible. We need ‘to go to any lengths’ in order to place our recovery on a solid foundation.
We do not do this to make ourselves feel bad. We do it to remove the shame and guilt from ourselves. We want to be honest and not to hide. We want to rebuild relationships. We want to begin again with new hope.
Make A List of Amends
In Step Eight we need to make a list of all the people to whom we owe amends. It is important to do this in writing rather than just in our head, as we need to be thorough. Also, we do not want to leave any wriggle room in terms of giving ourselves an opportunity to later decide to drop someone off the list. Once they are on it, we need to take action – or at least have a very good reason why inaction is more appropriate.
Some people find reasons to delay making their list. Some of us are born procrastinators and need no further reason than that! Others may delay due to their pride – we do not want to damage our pride and our shame will do just that. We do not want to face it. But we need to deal with our shame and get humble, if this is what it takes.
Delay As Afraid to Face up to Our Consequences
We may delay because we are afraid to face what we have done – and what our amends might cost us – friends, money – we may even have to deal with something we did that was illegal. None of this should stop us making a list – as we have not yet decided what to do with each individual on the list. Finally we should not be put off writing our list by thoughts that the other person was at fault too. Even if true, we usually have a part in it and need to identify what that was and how we were at fault.
Step 8 – Full and Complete List
We need to be careful that we do not put on the list someone who does not belong there and just blame ourselves for everything! Similarly, it is possible that we need to put ourselves on the list if we have been true victims and have treated ourselves badly e.g. if we have been abused.
The important point here is that the list should be full and complete.
The Haynes Clinic is an alcohol and drug rehab clinic which offers detox and counselling for people with addictions.
Call 01462 851414 for free and confidential advice.
