My life was now totally out of control. I was an Alcoholic. I still had my job and was doing well, I still had my children, home and friends but alcohol was totally controlling me. What had been a habit became a necessity and I could no longer do anything without thinking of alcohol. I had occasional short periods of sobriety but these were just breaks from drinking. I knew I would then drink until some other minor or major crisis forced me to stop. Then the whole cycle would begin again. Intellectually I saw it all but I could not escape the prison I was in. I went to AA. It all made sense but after the meeting I was as likely to go and buy a bottle of drink as intend to stay sober.
Being an Alcoholic – The Impact
In April 2008 I was promoted to deputy chief executive. My boss (the Chief Exec) made it clear he would like me to succeed him on his retirement in the next couple of years. I moved house into the home I had bought with the proceeds from my failed marriage. I determined to make this a fresh start for my children and me. After drinking the bottle of champagne left by the estate agent, I decided to try again to stay sober.
Within the month I was back on another bout of drinking and this one was as bad as any other. My brother was very ill in hospital and I turned up under the influence. He spotted it and told me not to drive home (I did). I drank at work and it was noticed in a meeting. I was sent home. (By now I worked in an organisation that was essentially dry – nothing like the ethos of my first company for which I worked for over 20 years).
I Could Not Stop
I decided to stop drinking over the weekend, sober up and get back into work to show what I could do, I vowed to stop and this time stay stopped. However, by Sunday night I was still drinking and Monday morning I could not stop. I stayed off for what turned out to be another week…. then another…. and another. I stayed in my bedroom drinking and staring at the television. Nothing sank in. My ex husband took my two youngest children to live with him. My son followed and then my oldest daughter also left me. I was alone with my bottle and miserable.
One evening, my ex came with the two oldest children (then 17 and 14). They presented me with the option of one of three rehab clinics and asked me to go. The fight had gone out of me. I was unhappy and could not see any way out. I did not expect it to work but thought I had nothing to lose and at least it would get them off my case. So I agreed to go for 14 days (not the 28 they wanted).
Alcoholic Rehab
I arrived at the clinic in Bedfordshire with an attitude of just having to put up with it for 14 nights. It turned out to be a life changing and enhancing experience and something I am now eternally grateful for. It changed me and I learned how to live my life happily without alcohol. Learned I was an alcoholic. I learned a great deal about myself, how to apply the 12 Steps to my life and how to live free of the past but drawing on it in a positive way. I met people who changed my life and altered its course for ever. They say if you get sober you can have a life beyond your wildest dreams. I have that and for me that change started in alcohol rehab.
If you have an alcohol or drug related problem. Please call 01462 851414 for free and confidential advice and help.
