Rehab is discovery, Alcoholics Anonymous is recovery – so goes the saying and I believe it.
When I was actively drinking and miserable, in 2005, I got to a point where I knew my problem was alcohol. However, I was still too proud to admit this was the case, and I was still minimising my drinking to all around me. I remember going to my well woman check up and saying that I drank about 28 units a week. That is no improvement on 3 years ago, the nurse said. Given I knew it was more like 128 units a week, my first thought was ‘thank God I managed to lie consistently so I wasn’t caught out’. I was getting very low, depressed and stressed and I went to see the doctor but still told him I only drank 3 – 4 glasses of wine a day. Again I got the ‘that’s too much’ response but I was not admitting the true extent of my alcoholism.
Detoxed But Not Mentally Fixed
To cut a long story short, I eventually asked for help for my stress and depression and used my BUPA to go to a very nice clinic. On admission, I told the psychiatrist that actually I knew what the problem was – I drank too much! She told me to stay at the clinic to detox, relax (do a bit of flower arranging, attend a few support group sessions run by the nurses) and when I went home to take antabuse (which makes you sick if you drink with it) and stay off alcohol for a year. I was cured!
The Reasons Why I Drank
The problem was, I had got off the alcohol dependency physically, but had not dealt with the reasons I drank. I was intelligent enough to realise that I was happier not drinking. But as I had been told to leave it at least a year. I had it in mind that at some point I would drink again. The opportunity arose much sooner than that (after 3 months) and I did.
The madness of it was that I was at a work dinner and decided that if I did not have a glass of wine, people would notice and think I had an alcohol problem! So I had one glass – that was all. I did not particularly enjoy it. I got away with it. So what happened? I didn’t get away with it! Because I had had just one, the next night I thought I could do it again. I had two. And the next night….. Within a week, I was in the full blown misery of very heavy drinking again.
Rehab Saved Me Mentally
I struggled on for a further 3 years! Stopping with my massive will power for a couple of months, drinking for a period, stopping again. It was total and absolute hell for me and my family. The problem was I had not had any chance in that smart clinic in which I did my flower arranging to do any work on myself. That only came – the discovery of me and my personality, characteristics and issues – when I went into rehab.
The Haynes Clinic is an alcohol, gambling and drug rehab clinic which offers detox and counselling for people with addictions.
Call 01462 851414 for free and confidential advice.
