Many of us were pretty isolated at the end of our drinking. We had lost all our self confidence when sober. I rarely engaged with strangers unless it was in enforced circumstances and I had had a few to drink – such as on the train on the way home (and I would often have a drink in my hand purchased at the station shop) or in a pub. I know other alcoholics who have got drunk and picked up strangers in the pub etc – but in almost all cases it would have been under the influence. We were generally not very friendly to strangers when sober.
Sober Life
In my new sober life I find that I am a lot more confident and a lot more outward going. This is at least in part because I am happy. I smile at people I do not know and am pleasant to them. Surprisingly they will smile back! Being pleasant to people costs nothing and goes a long way. It makes life a lot more enjoyable.
What do you tell new people you meet about your alcoholism? The answer to this one is that it depends on the circumstances and person. I would not necessarily tell new work colleagues straight away if you think your manager would not understand the illness but I would tell people who become friends or with whom you embark on a relationship as soon as possible, so you are not under any pressure to drink. The amazing thing is that most people will not be bothered one way or another as alcohol is pretty much incidental to their lives. It is only us alcoholics who obsessed about it for so long and for whom recovery is now central to our lives.
Recovery in AA
Obviously the people we meet in AA have been or still are obsessed with drinking and now generally have recovery as an important part of their lives. In AA we come across and engage with people from entirely different backgrounds and whom we would probably never meet if we did not have alcoholism in common. AA is a great illustration of how alcoholism affects both sexes, all ages, all social classes, all races, denominations, rich and poor. We have one very significant thing in common with all these people and that is our alcoholism. As we get to know them, we find our lives enriched by them.
AA
On the whole, people in AA are pretty likeable. We are generally non-judgemental, honest, willing to help others – and many of us have a sense of humour. However, it is important to remember that alcoholics are human beings with all the frailties and defects of ‘ordinary’ people. Not all people at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are whiter than white. There are those who are there for the wrong reasons (to use other people some of whom may be vulnerable). It is not a good idea to enter into a relationship with anyone in your first year of recovery, whether they are in AA or not.