Where do I start?
My residential drug rehab experience was truly amazing and the best thing I ever did but it had its ups and downs along the way. Let me be straight I did not want to go to rehab. I did everything I could to avoid going – telling my family I was OK, that I would stop on my own (many many times), I got angry with them, I went out to avoid confrontation, I said I would go to the local meetings of Narcotics Anonymous, and the local drug support services.
Agreeing to go to these places but only to get my family off my back. I did not really want to be there and I did not think that what they were saying was for me.However as time went on my using, if anything, got worse and my life became pretty bleak. It was a massive effort to get through each day.
What led me to a residential drug rehab…
My drug of choice was cannabis – I felt terrible each day until I had had that first joint, but then all I did was want more in order to get through the day. I became a bit of a night owl and wanted to sleep late into the morning – in fact for as long as possible. My using let me to give up my job as I did not like it and just could not be bothered any more. Also, I relied on my parents to pay for my lifestyle and I was fortunate (actually was I?) in that they did. Perhaps if they had not, I would have had to face reality sooner and got well quicker, not wasting so many years of my life. I would eat far too much and I became overweight.
But as I said, in the end my using got worse and I was utterly miserable. When my mum said she had organised some help for me, I had no fight left in me and decided I would give it a try.
Upon at arrival the residential drug rehab
I arrived one day in May. I was very nervous about what to expect and who I would meet. The manager, who booked me in, made me feel welcome. She introduced me to the other members of staff and my fellow clients. The clients all seemed a lot happier than me and full of hope and optimism – but I was amazed when they told me that only a matter of days and weeks earlier they had felt just like me! I had a consultation with the psychiatrist. She too was lovely and very understanding. I told her a bit of my story and she told me there was no detox as such for cannabis but that I would be prescribed some sleeping tablets in the first week to help me to get back a good pattern of sleep.
First Day
The first day was manly form filling and meeting people – and getting to know my surroundings.
It was good that my accommodation was a little distant from the clinic where we did the therapy work. I really enjoyed the minibus journey to and from the clinic. The driver would have the radio on and we would all sing along. I had a nice comfortable bedroom in the house – my personal space – though there was no tv as we were not encouraged to isolate in our rooms. We could do our written assignments there if we wanted – though more often we would sit together round the dining table to do our work. It was a really good atmosphere and we all supported one another (though our work had to be our own).
First Assignment
My first assignment was writing my life story. This was quite difficult as I had not had to write something like that for a long time but I did my best and soon realised that spelling and grammar did not matter. It was just for me to read to let the counsellors and my peers to get to know me.
While in treatment I worked through the 12 step programme with the counsellors. There were a couple of one to ones with my assigned counsellor to cover off a few personal things and to ensure I was on track but the most important work was done in the group sessions. I began to realise from listening to other people what I was like myself. It was like looking in the mirror! This was not always a pleasant experience. I laughed and cried in those groups. Some days I felt good and some days I was down. I stayed 6 weeks and in that time I was probably struggling on about 5 days.
“I was given tools to cope with life’s up and downs for the future.”
In the residential drug rehab I learnt so much. During my stay I looked at my behaviour and the consequences of it for the people I loved and felt guilt and shame. After addressing this, I resolved not to go back to that sort of behaviour. Once I stopped smoking the cannabis I had been using, after a while, my mood lifted. I got hope and optimism for the future and began to plan a future for myself. I was given tools to deal with my anger and resentments and to free myself from the past and tools to cope with life’s up and downs for the future. The clinic introduced me to 12 Step Fellowship groups which have been a support to me to this day.
A year on.
It is now a year since I entered that clinic in Bedfordshire. No longer do i smoke cannabis or take any mood altering substances. I am me – and I have the confidence to be myself without drugs. I’m currently employed as a receptionist in a health clinic. I feel good that I am earning and can support myself. I am in a relationship. It is early days but I am optimistic for the future! I attend Narcotics Anonymous (NA) meetings and have made lots of new ‘clean’ friends.
I did not want to go to rehab and did all I could to avoid it. Now I wonder why. I am so glad I went to rehab – it was the best decision I ever made. I am free and my life is full. Thank you Haynes Clinic.
The Haynes Clinic is a drug and alcohol rehab clinic in Bedfordshire. Contact us on 01462 851414 for more information.
