Step 4 of the Twelve Step Programme

Lets recap on the first 3 Steps…

Here at The Haynes Clinic we follow the 12 Step Programme of recovery. Step 1 is about admitting that we have an alcohol or addiction problem and that our lives have been chaotic and unmanageable as a result.

Step 2 is about recognising that we are not all powerful and that self will and will power is not the way forward. There is a power greater than us, and the world will keep turning with or without us.

Step 3 is about giving up our self will and being prepared to get help and guidance from that greater spiritual being – a God if you prefer or something spiritual of your understanding (it does not have to be a Christian God, a Muslim God or any other named and defined God).

Step 4 – looking at ourselves and our character and personality and what we like about ourselves and what is good in our lives – and what is not

We look at it like we are taking a stocktake or ‘personal inventory’. We look at our characteristics and the need to change the ones that are damaging our lives and keep the ones that help us. If a shop keeper is doing an inventory, he or she throws out the out of date goods and destocks the items that do not sell. In step 4 we look at our characteristics and experiences and effectively do this audit / stocktake and clearing out the cupboards with our lives. Without doing this, it is likely that these flaws in our character and feelings about past experiences will lead us back to drinking or using.

A key part of step 4 is looking at our resentments and anger

Resentment is one of the key blockages from which alcoholics and addicts suffer. So in our step 4 we list all the people, places and things that we are angry about. For some of us the list is long, for others it is shorter but we all of us have many resentments from the past and all of them should be included. We look at past relationships, people we have cared for and care about, contact with institutions from school (and teachers) , to work and authorities.

Why so angry?

Next we consider why we are angry with these people and places. How did they affect us? The usual answer is because they have taken something from us – our pride, our self esteem (perhaps we are afraid of something especially if our behaviour becomes known), our relationship, our financial security…. We have to take a very deep and thorough inventory of all the resentments we have built up in our lives.

If we stop there we will feel very angry indeed. We will have dredged up all the perceived wrongs done to us in our lives and we will be feeling all the hurt and outrage all over again. That could make us poised to reach for the bottle or drugs again! But that is not the end of it, of course. If we let the anger dwell within us it has a negative effect on us while the person who has made us feel that way is almost certainly living their life in blissful ignorance of what they have done (or it is too long ago for them to recall or care). If we do not let it go, we say it is like we are drinking the poison and expecting the person who has made us feel like this be the one to die! So we need to let it go.

How do we do this?

We own our responsibility and contribution to the situation. What was our part in the lead up to the event? For example, we might be angry with a former partner who was unfaithful to us. Why was he or she unfaithful? Had we treated him or her badly? We may feel that we were not shown enough love by our parents. Did we ever let them know how we felt? We may be angry with our drug dealer for being aggressive with us about our debts. But who was it that went to the dealer in the first place? These are just some examples.

We will look more at this aspect of step 4 in the next article on step 5. The main message concerning step 4 is that we take a thorough moral inventory of our resentments and behaviours. Related to this we will find that we have many fears. And finally we also have to take a thorough look at our past sex conduct and any harms we have done.

It is important that if you go into a private alcohol rehab or any drug and alcohol rehab centre that you familiarise yourself with step 4. It frees us up for a much happier and fulfilled life.

Read our description of the full twelve step addiction treatment system

Step 3 of the Twelve Step Programme.