Alcoholism and drug addiction are diseases that affect every member of the family. When there is alcohol/substance abuse in the family home it affects everyone, not just the alcoholic/addict. Alcoholism/addiction is often said to be a family disease due to the effects it has on all the family.
When the alcoholic/addict is not drinking or using the family usually functions in a calm and orderly way. However, when the alcoholic/addict loses control the family too are thrown in to disarray. Arguments flare up when the family try to change the alcoholic/addict. Trying to fix an alcoholic/addict sometimes becomes the priority of the family. The family becomes unbalanced in that they begin to act in ways they would never have considered before.
Denial of Alcoholism and Addiction
In the first instance the family may find themselves supporting the alcoholic by insisting there is no problem. They accept the excuses and try very hard to cover up the reality of the situation. Family members often lie to themselves, other family members and friends about the problems they are experiencing living with an alcoholic/addict. They too find themselves making excuses for the alcoholic’s/addict’s behaviour.
Bargaining
Family members will often go to any lengths to prevent the alcoholic/addict from the spiral of destruction that comes with the drinking/using. They will attempt persuasion, bribery, manipulation, coercion, or pleading with the alcoholic/addict to stop drinking/using.
Threatening Behaviour
Making threats to leave a partner, or evict a son or daughter becomes an everyday occurrence in some families. Threatening to expose the alcoholic/addict to whoever will listen becomes commonplace. Arguments and chaos become a normal part of family life. Tears and tantrums disrupt relationships and leave the family suffering.
Getting help
Some family members benefit from treatment similar to the treatment offered to alcoholics/addicts. They benefit from the intense treatment in order to understand the effects that alcoholism/addiction has had on them.
There are also self-help groups that family members can attend, Alanon is a fellowship of men and women whose lives have been affected by alcoholism. Families Anonymous is an organization that offers support to families and friends of addicts. Alateen similarly offer support to the children of alcoholics.
Acceptance of Alcoholism and Addiction
Family members can regain their lives and begin to live a normal healthy life with the realisation that they did not create the problem of alcoholism/addiction and there is nothing they can do to prevent it. Following the twelve-step programme that is on offer in all the fellowships brings hope, understanding and peace of mind to the whole family. Family members can begin to work the steps by accepting they are powerless over the alcoholic/addict and their life has become unmanageable. This is the first step. By working step one it is possible to refrain from trying to control, fix, hide or feel responsible and instead begin to let go of the chaos, control and dysfunctional behaviour that has crept into their lives. All the negativity is replaced with calmness and peace of mind.