Every alcoholic and addict uses alcohol and / or drugs in order to blur or escape from their feelings. We either do not like how we feel or cannot cope with it. Many of us have for years not really ‘felt’ as other ‘normal’ people do. When we stop drinking or using, it’s quite a shock to start to feel the extremes of emotions again. We have to learn to cope with this, rather than scuttle off to blur our feelings with a drink or drug.
Recognising Feelings
The Twelve Step programme will give us a way of dealing with feelings in a constructive way but in our very early recovery we do not have that learning to hand. So we need to recognise feelings for what they are and sometimes just ride them out. If we feel low – which some days we will as we adjust to the fact that in recovery we will have bad days as well as good. We have to just get through it and trust that that feeling will pass. We have new found friends and contacts in recovery. A sponsor or just a fellow recovering addict – and we should use them for support. The feeling is not a reality – it is just a feeling.
We may feel like it is Monday – but if the calendar says it is Thursday, then that is the reality. Our feelings and emotions live in our heads and hearts. They will come and go.
Honesty
In early recovery we may also have to deal with the fact that other people do not see us as we see ourselves.
People will start to get honest with you and this is the real learning for recovering addicts. They may say nice things about you and you may be uncomfortable hearing some of these positives because your self-esteem is low and you have never had much self-worth (hence your addiction). Or people may point out some harsh realities. You may automatically want to argue that they are wrong (and perhaps they are). Usually there is an element of truth in what people tell us. Everyone has character defects. It’s by accepting these and working on them that we come to accept ourselves for what we are in recovery and begin to feel truly fulfilled and happy.
Character Defects
We don’t have to wait for people to tell us what our defects are. We can actually ask those we trust. I learned that I can come across as arrogant and bossy and also stand offish. It doesn’t sound very nice – but I can accept that this may be true and I now work hard on my defects. I listened, tried not to arrogantly argue that the person pointing out this must be wrong and I was right. Then had not to want to run away (to a drink) from the negative feelings that such a home truth provoked.
Accepting it, feeling the feelings, deciding to do something about it – I got on with my recovery. All recovering alcoholics and addicts need to do the same (that sounds arrogant but it is actually a well-known fact in this case!).