When we were drinking, using or gambling, many of us felt very lonely and eventually isolated ourselves. We felt lonely even when surrounded by people and even though we knew in our heads that we had people around us who loved us.
By the end of our drinking, using or gambling though, many of us spent a lot of time in a particular room – often our bedroom – alone. Not wanting to see anyone and avoiding the telephone. The thing that used to help us socialise ended up having precisely the opposite effect. Sometimes we felt alone because we were ashamed of and embarrassed about what we had done while drunk or out of touch with reality. The only thing that made us feel a bit better was to indulge in another drink, drug or bet. And so the cycle repeated itself.
No Longer Lonely in Recovery
Once in recovery, we found that we were no longer alone with those feelings and by attending Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous meetings, we found that hundreds of alcoholics and addicts have experienced exactly the same feelings of low self worth, isolation, shame and guilt. We discover we need never be alone again.
This is really true. That does not mean that you will not experience feelings of loneliness again when you are in recovery. But it does mean that there is action you can take about this feeling. It also means you need never resort to the bottle again.
Reaching Out For People
Initially you may find it difficult to reach out to people for friendship as you have not done this (at least not sober) for many years. You may need to force yourself to go to AA or NA meetings – but it is essential you do go. Once there, you may find it very difficult to share. But again if you do, apart from helping you to offload your issues, it will help people to get to know you, so it is a very important part of your recovery.
For many of us, it is true that our years of drinking or using have stunted our emotional growth in some way. So we are in our 30s, 40s or even 50s but feel as emotionally mature as someone in their 20s because that is how long we have been escaping from doing the normal things in life through reaching out for the bottle or a drug.
Self-Worth
Some of us have a particularly lonely time to face in early recovery if we have lost our partners, families, old drinking or using ‘friends’, jobs or any other elements from our previous lives. We need to try particularly hard in these circumstances to reach out to our new recovery friends. And remember, they get self worth from helping us in the same way that later on when we are stronger we can reach out to someone going through what we are going through now. There is no reward in struggling on alone or, worse still, going back to the drink or drugs. It is not worth that for any reason whatsoever. And no one can do it alone – if we could, we would have done so.
Avoid being Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired (HALT). You will have a much greater chance of an enduring and happy recovery.
The Haynes Clinic is a drug and alcohol addiction rehab clinic offering detox and treatment for those suffering from addiction to alcohol, drugs and prescription medication.
Call 01462 851414 for confidential help and advice.