“Humbly ask Him to Remove our Shortcomings”
So, the 12 and 12 describes steps 6 and 7 in a rather sexist way as the steps that separate the men from the boys and boy have I learnt that this is true. Although on the face of it they could not sound simpler, it does require constant thoughtfulness and commitment to be honest, courageous and humble.
These shortcomings that amongst many can include self-pity, anger, intolerance, jealousy, people pleasing and criticism are defeating behaviours that block me from living a peaceful, contended and harmonious life, it causes emotional pain, conflict and chaos all of which I know longer want so after I was able to see in Step 4 how they didn’t serve me I became willing. However, it is not as simple of that, they do not disappear in a puff of smoke and this is where my relationship with the God of my understanding comes in and practicing the spiritual principles outlined in the book.
Painstaking
As we complete Step 9 we hear in the promises the word ‘painstaking’ and for me this applies to this step, at times this step has been painful because by asking for the defects or shortcomings (as Bill W calls them in this step) to be removed God has at times presented me with the exact shortcoming I have asked for his help with. With more self- awareness, that shortcoming whatever it is, appears everywhere. It appears in others, situations and becomes my mirror and continually face it.
Suddenly everyone seemed like the most critical person in the world
On the bright side this has at times made me smile at myself, that knowing smile. Criticism for example appeared in my step 4 and on reaching this step after becoming entirely ready to have God remove it in Step 6, I was blind-sided with it. Suddenly everyone seemed like the most critical person in the world and I retaliated with some of my own criticism and guess what others didn’t like it either, as it says ‘I stepped on the toes of my fellows and they retaliated’.
Eventually after asking and asking for this to be removed, I finally saw it, felt it until it became painful and began to change, apply some action. I began to keep my mouth shut, occasionally compliment people and surprisingly people reacted better! For me though I also worked out that I was so critical of myself, tough on myself, ruthless in fact. In times of meditation, I could see that if I was so critical of myself then clearly, I was going to be critical towards the rest of the world. This had to truly start from within, to be kinder to myself, more self affirming, complimentary and ask for God’s help on a daily basis to practice these qualities with myself and the people around me.
The ripple effect
This I have learnt is the ripple effect, what we give out we are more likely to receive back from others. However, this is not an overnight job and not a one- time thing, it’s a lifetime’s work; to work with God to remove my shortcomings. I have also learnt that whilst I can put some action in, God appears to have his own time frame, his own plan. This is continual growth and you know what that’s alright, I won’t/ you won’t get it right all the time. This is all about progress, we keep on trying, we keep trying to drop those rocks!
Link to the outline of the whole 12 step process for addictions
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