We Only Have Control Over Ourselves!

Many alcoholics, drug addicts and compulsive gamblers are very strong, independent self-willed people who pride themselves on their achievements in life and their control over their destiny. However, it is only they who cannot see that actually they have little control any more – they are a slave to their addiction. When I was drinking, everything I did was dictated by alcohol.

I would reward myself with a drink at the end of a task (usually I had a list of tasks punctuated by drinks), I would arrange meetings when it would be appropriate and convenient to have a drink before and after, I would get agitated if an appointment overran and ate into my drinking time, I would even constrict the length of social time spent with my children by my need to get home to have a drink – for example, if they wanted to go on a shopping trip. I would confine them to going to say 3 shops and that was it. Was most certainly in a prison of my own making.

Release Self-Will

In recovery, by releasing our self-will and accepting our condition, we place a lot more in our faith that things will turn out all right for us if we do the right thing. In AA speak, we submit to the help from and trust in a Higher Power (which we define in a way that is meaningful to us). By giving up our self will and submitting to ‘God’s’ will, ironically we gain freedom. We accept that we only have any control and power over ourselves, and not other people.

We do need to work hard on ourselves, though. Must not judge others – and when we do, we need to come to the realisation that we are really judging ourselves. What is upsetting us is probably teaching us something. We can choose how we react in testing situations and how we are inside ourselves. That is something over which we do have power and control – nothing else! Every experience gives us development and in this way, today influences tomorrow. All we are required to do is to play our part and trust all will be well.

Only I Can Decide How I React

All this makes a lot of intellectual sense to me and I am now trying to apply it to a personal situation. A relationship I am in is in a new phase and my partner has another relationship. We are still best of friends and very close. He has just told me he is going away and it is on a tour he and I had planned to do together. It is painful that he will be doing that with someone else. So I feel the pain. I am learning to accept that there is nothing I can do about it. I am growing through this experience and only I can decide how to react.  Reacting with dignity – and I do have faith that all will come right in the end. All I have to do is do the right thing and all will be well. I will eventually see why I am being tested in this way.

Reaching this position is a crucial element in addiction rehabilitation.

Done!

The Haynes Clinic is an alcohol, drug and gambling rehab clinic which offers detox and counselling for people with addictions.

Call 01462 851414 for free and confidential advice.