It is not just the alcoholic or addict who needs help when dealing with addiction. Families are also affected and often require guidance and support in how to deal with the family member who is an alcoholic or addict. Whether they are in active addiction or in recovery, with or without a likely prospect of relapse.
Alcoholics Anonymous
Al Anon is a free 12 Step Fellowship and support group which helps many people who have an alcoholic or addict in the family. Similar help is available from Fam Anon (tailored more to the families of addicts). And Ala Teen (for young people affected by family members with alcoholism or addiction).
At The Haynes Clinic we offer a more personalised service. With a series of individual family sessions run by a counsellor. This is led by our experienced therapist Harbinder Sangha – also known as Binz. The feedback below, from the parents of an alcoholic who was in the clinic, speaks for itself. In terms of explaining how valuable family support can be.
Harbinder Sangha – our very experienced therapist
Binz, because that’s how we know him, is a very special man. Our contact with him came at a time when we were quite reasonably terrified that our son, who had a problem with alcohol addiction, might take his own life.
His role was that of a listener, a family counsellor, advisor and a sounding board. It was immediately clear that he knew what he was talking about. And that he was not going to pull his punches or pretend that all was going to be well. He helped us to understand the nature of addiction and the risks that go with it. Both for the addict and those who care for them. And that the fall-out from addiction is colossal and many people around an addict are subject to life changing trauma.
Right from the outset we were helped. In a kind but totally realistic way. To come to terms with the idea of a disastrous outcome. And to find ways of protecting ourselves whilst loving and supporting our son.
Importance of having hope and boundaries
He gave us precious outlines of the kind of boundaries that we might put in place. So that our care for our son would not disempower or suffocate him. Whilst allowing us to distance ourselves from the inevitable relapses.
This was coupled with an underlying sense of hope, a genuine belief that healing is possible through a combination of love, insight, discipline and routine. With his help we became realists but hopeful realists.
Personal life story
His depth of experience was evident at every stage. His own life story was like a potential road map to recovery and, whilst each addict is unique and the causes for their addiction are quite particular, he could point out the universal truths and the common pitfalls that both we and our son might face. When an unexpected healing occurred, he was there to remind us that we must treasure those moments. When the healing fell apart and our old anxieties resurfaced, he was there to give us an ear but also to remind us again that hope remained hidden in the healing.
It took us a long time to understand and to really believe that the escape from addiction is mostly in the heart and mind of the addict. This is a tough lesson to learn because one imagines that love will conquer all. In the end, of course it does but on its own it is not enough. We need people like Binz to work with the addict to get them to know themselves, to understand the undercurrents that pull them around. We need people like Binz to help us to allow that to happen, to help us let the story play itself out.
Binz is a very special man.